Big Will

@ChipotleTweets what is this? A burrito for ants??

My buddy called his wife after our round "yeah, I'll be home in 45min" to which i immediately said "it'll be at least 2hrs before youre home" its now been 2hrs and hes still here

Being friends with the superintendent at your course is an absolute must

You ever wonder if when we talk to dogs in the dumb high pitched borderline condescending voice we all use to say good boy/girl, the dog is thinking "why the hell are you talking to me like that" and their perceived excitement is really just annoyed confusion hops and shuffles

@blakes_online Pequods

Back in Chicago in 2 weeks Pequods or millies?

Goodell should start popping 1 button every 30min

Golf trip day 1: fired off a great round, weather was perfect, house is way better than we could have ever anticipated, dinner demolished, drinks flowing, and the boys (and @stepheparsons) are buzzzziiinnnggggg

How do abortions work in the Harry Potter universe? Is it just a spell "fetus goodbyeus" or is it the same muggle world procedure?

I'll never apologize for sending my friends 1295 reels in an evening. This dumb 30sec video brought me joy, I want you to share in that joy and hopefully not jude me too hard on some of the unhinged ones

It is so wildly entertaining going into long term care communities and the little old ladies just gas you up "ohhhhh youre so tall! And handsome!" Why thank you Doris!

Atta boy Rory

This isn't helping battle conspiracy theories....

My first free weekend since probably January, we're swinging the sticks friday, Saturday, Sunday, and basking in the Master's all weekend

Ban sleeveless shirts for guys on flights

@theshushu That's a wise decision on your part lol

@glicker89 I want this to be true for you, but with today being what it is, I believe nothing

Oh. My. God. It finally happened. I got hired to be a linesman in the NHL for next season.

Why is my day starting like this...

This is the penultimate strip club name

@thatswhatTayCed You have to refer to it by formal name "Catalina Wine Mixer"

Why has no one at this tanning salon heard of the shade Catalina??? This is tragic