Jess Keir

@MrJamesMay it’s my birthday today…any chance of traditional Birthday greetings? 😉

@LidlGB Will pre orders be opened for any more? As I really don’t feel an opportunity to enter into a giveaway is a fair consolation for the thousands that have been disappointed or let down by the website, especially not given the money was for charity.

Hi Jess! We're so sorry you missed out on these. There was an exceptional demand for this item, and we sold out very quickly. Payments were declined as a safety measure to protect our customers as the item was sold out. We understand this is disappointing and we're so sorry again that you missed out this time around. - Farrah

@LidlGB this is incredibly disappointing to see. So many genuine people missed out, please consider opening a pre order.

@LidlGB please tell me why me, my mum and her friend were all on at ten refreshing and trying separately for an HOUR to get the jacket, every payment card was being rejected and ‘declined’ and now they’re all sold out. Your site wasn’t working and people have missed out.

@ShappiKhorsandi Love that he’s saved in your phone in full name terms 😂

Very happy for @mrmarksteel right now. And I love that he never knows when I am kidding #CrystalPalace

@TheTommyCannon Somewhere in Shropshire, Cheshire or Staffordshire would be nice

This year I would still like to keep the magic alive! And tour my ‘An Audience With Tommy Cannon’ show but I want to perform in smaller intimate venues, to meet you lovely people and for you to hear never before heard stories, so let me know where you want to see me!

@mrmarksteel Blimey, twice in 6 months? A lady collapsed and was taken to hospital when I saw your WIP in Ludlow in Oct…what are you doing tho them Mark?! (Also hope both are alright of course)

Oh blimey, last night at the Chester Storyhouse theatre someone collapsed and was taken to hospital during the show. Does anyone in Twitterland know who it was or how they are? Send a Direct Message if you like, or pop a note through the door if you can find out where I live.

@imagineremss Mumbo. Because APPARENTLY my mum’s got B.O. 🙄

david was called baghdad after the first summer of school because he came in with a new bag… that he informed us had been brought for him… by his dad

@alandaviescomic @theatresevern I challenge you to go to Telford then say it’s not a sh*thole 😂

It’s true. Had a nice practice at @theatresevern Shrewsbury last night. Can Telford really be that bad…?

@wacfc @mrmarksteel @wtfisgoingonpod goose excrement…

On the advice of his coach the referee consulted both clubs, asking them if they wished to play the game. We were happy to do so but Seaham decided that they felt the surface was unsafe and therefore didn't want to play. As a result the match was called off.

Sincere apologies to those who attended tonight, please keep your ticket as we'll be looking at what we can do as a club to offset the disappointment of tonight. To clarify, goose excrement was found on the pitch during the warm up, which has never happened before. 1/2

@wacfc @mrmarksteel @wtfisgoingonpod part of the WACFC goose poo saga I was referring to (and yes of course I know it’s not gooses, Mark 😉)

An actual wild goose chase. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry. (Notes: 1. No geese were harmed in this video 2. We're currently consulting professionals about how to safely move them to a new area where they will be happier 3. Contains swearing, so maybe mute if in the office).

@mrmarksteel I can confirm as a certified ‘young person’, I wasn’t familiar with Dylan Thomas’ work at all, however I appreciate the introduction to ‘Do not go gentle into that good night’ (having experienced a shock bereavement on Tuesday, it came at a good time) thank you, Mark 🙏🏻

A band new episode of my podcast is out today! This week I speak to the fantastic @TheNickRevell as well as @elliotsteelcom as I try to figure out What The F*** Is Going On? Listen to the full episode here: pod.link/1573424189

@mrmarksteel My nerves are shot to pieces this week, Mark. The will they/won’t they ban TikTok in the US, has Justin Fletcher finally retired as Mr Tumble or hasn’t he?! Whatever are we to do?! (Also, yes you have at least A listener from the crewe area, yes I am going also to your show)

World of Twitteree people, do we have any questions that need answering on this week’s WTF podcast? Or is everything fine now?

@mrmarksteel Re your announcements on this week’s pod: can confirm that I, Patreon supporter and friend of the show Jess Keir, am from (near) Crewe and will be on the front row 😌 So yes, you have at least A listener near Crewe

As someone who feels the cold intensely, shivering under heated blankets even in June, I've decided the best way to stay warm while it's minus 40 degrees is to sit outside watching Palace v Stockport for 90 minutes (plus 7 and possibly extra time).

@godthinksimcain @mrmarksteel Isle if wWight not a county, part of Hampshire.

Right….. here we go….. does anyone know anything about Rutland?

@mrmarksteel *COUNTY NOT COUNTRY I’m OBVIOUSLY aware that the Isle of Wight isn’t a country (though did pretend it was for multiple years at school to be able to say I went to another country on holiday…)

@mrmarksteel The only thing I know about Rutland is that sometimes it’s the smallest country in Britain but not always because when the tide’s in, the Isle of Wight is smaller and that’s now a county…probably doesn’t help you, seeing as I learnt that a few weeks ago from you but 🤷‍♀️

@YetAnotherBan21 I clearly meant county and mistyped.

@godthinksimcain @mrmarksteel Surly that's Northern Ireland

@MrJamesMay @AndrewGStorrie Controversial Q-Glass or plastic? Glass are risky for on the go but the stain of the plastic ones is unfortunate

@AndrewGStorrie I like it. I like the snap of the lids.

I bought a new mattress yesterday. Can anyone name a more boring thing to buy? Expensive ‘n’ all.

@TheHangedMan18 @MrJamesMay Not really, my printer only needs one cartridge because it’s mostly thermal technology so it lasts ages

@godthinksimcain @MrJamesMay You must be rich.