ham

i am gorgeous and smell good and will have a doctorate and have big boobs and pretty eyes and have morals and i workout and wear cool shoes and have hobbies and friends and special interests and love the color orange and love movies and keep up on pop culture and don’t snore

talking about a person i’ve had several life changing intimate experiences and might be soulbonded with to my parents: “yeah we’re pretty good friends we hang out sometimes”

he wasn’t an avoidant he just didn’t like me

this is actually the worst case scenario because it means you no longer have a research topic.

my dog is crying bc i put his bone in my tote bag and its like..............the bone is going in the tote bag because we're going to the DOG BEACH you IDIOT. you don't know ANYTHING. you're about to have the BEST DAY

the notebook (2004) reunion happening on letterboxd rn

#HammsWithALemon with the girls

my scam texter going through some shit

WATCHING INDIANA JONES RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK AND THEY HAVE PALESTINE ON THE FLIGHT MAP

oh that’s just my pet snake reggie

i desperately need a date for a wedding in october

the new universal orlando commercial of the woman with a child going to universal with her new bf and his kid and everyone bonding makes me cry

me and the girl i pulled because my underground burrow is safe from flash floods

Billy, this is Tiger Woods. He has amassed 15 major championships, is tied for the most PGA Tour wins, and has spent over a dozen years as the world’s number one golfer. His only defect is he cannot operate a motor vehicle.

you should be allowed to leave work early if your heart just isn't in it today

i booked a nail appointment 3:30 pm on a workday

It's bare minimum friday, don’t you let that job stress you out today

#they dont have integrity like this anymore