Eli Possum Hands 👻

“God, don’t take her, but never make another one like her.” My coworker, praying about my existence.

You are either raging with the machine, or you are raging against the machine.

After I make a horrible joke Co-worker: “God, please pray for her.” Me: “Wait… Who does God pray to?” Co-worker: “I don’t know… but He needs help with you.”

Why did I think I’d be okay rewatching The Walking Dead? I can hardly stand the emotional pain of leaving my cats in the morning.

I’m tired of things costing money… I literally have SO MUCH to barter.

Is a magical house gnome taking all my beanies? The answer may surprise you….

Hello darkness, my old friend… That’s it, really. I’m just welcoming you back.

The Errors tour. It’s me. I’m the error

I have clothes. I have SO MANY clothes. But I wore my soft green shirt yesterday to work and got it dirty. It’s the only shirt I recognize as a “clo” this week. Therefore, I have no clothes.

@rickymmorse They are there

@hauntedskin Please enlighten me.

Are there a bunch of spiders in your broccoli? The answer may surprise you….

How you have ships called “Terror”, but they named that whole hurricane “Milton”. #IYKYK #WatchTheTerroronNetflix #WhatsInAName

You have to understand, as an avid trinket collector, I am so happy we are now putting things like mini rubber ducks in cocktails that we can keep. “Drink-it’s” if you will.

*checks horoscope* “it says the second moon is in reverse happy hour”

Not to be dramatic, but the second Moon can leave town now

Happy Fall! It’s official because it’s 79 degrees and I saw a dude in a Patagonia vest.

I just love seeing Snoop Dogg single-handedly living for all of us.

I swear, if they even ATTEMPTED to remake “Back To The Future” with Harry Styles and a Cyber Truck I will know I am truly in the darkest of timelines.

Happy international cat day 😸

My tweets are a national treasure that are lost on everyone like the Library at Alexandria.

I actually accidentally changed “I” to “ai” autocorrect in my phone and now everything things I’m an android