legal drinking ape

hello my name is agnus. the 'g' is silent

@MarlinTheMan2 Lmao a coworker actually recommended that

@heavysweating It’s called Just The Tap. I know that makes it sound worse

going to be in Seattle in two weeks. any recommendations please and thank you

wife bought gain scented febreeze and now the bathroom smells like someone took a stinky shit on fresh laundry

accidentally sprayed my eye with sunscreen and now i can look at the sun no problem

@murderxbryan i miss seeing all the tongue guys on the timeline

slept on the soft spot of my skull too long last night now the back of my head is flat. any quick fixes?

need to quit my job so I can go back to being on here full time

i promise to post a weekly screenshot of my likes to prove i am not a pervert.

@StuderNakamichi — Albert Einstein

when it’s time for me to die i think i want to go out trying to get inside a black hole. I want to know what’s going g on in there.

just found out it’s tuesday even though i remember it being Thursday. Mandela effect?

thinking about what if toes had foreskin

seems like a nice spot to sit

@stakenut i kind of think they’re nice with it when in perfect resonance

hate when my sub-neptunes go resonant

henry Kissinger died from trying to sit on the toilet to take a shit but his nasty old ass fell into the bowl and got stuck and he tried to pull himself up but pulled the toilet handle and the toilet sucked his insides out RIP

i need to get a fake job

my sister in law is in the top 0.01% of taylor swift fans

lol

wife’s top artist is someone i’ve never heard of before. not a good sign…