Howard “Stretch” Emery

I have been smoking weed at every job I’ve been hired at since sophomore year of highschool

face ID has recognized me in moments i wouldn’t have recognized myself

my coworkers were arguing for 45 minutes about how many of the US presidents they would be able to beat in a physical altercation

@hazardpounder @BurnerTJustice

@BurnerTJustice Howie mentioned

Something about deactivating and/or nuking I don’t know

@tonilaperreti Makes my muscles look good and sexy #FindYourOwnSpot

@hazardpounder yep got too high and napped through it once

Have you guys ever missed a flight

Any woman who ghosts me I just assume was a federal agent that got too emotionally attached to do her job and got reassigned.

darty seaon woop

i haven't been sober since charlie kirk died

My roommate trying to explain tung tung tung sahur to the bitches at the pregame rn

im getting the sandwich artist to step out from behind the sneeze guard counter and do this with me for a few minutes before i'll let him make my sub

Wearing my Sunday Red polo today

When I sit down on the couch I am faintly hearing music play and then when I stand up it goes away

Okay Maybe I’d like you better if you took off your clothes

@whatsthepo1nt98 Almost didn’t recognize ya there Gayson!

@hemery411 Priorities

fuck the girl bro this place has laser tag and bumper karts !!!

@uptheraaaaaa Sounds delicious have a good one bye bye stan

Rare blackened tuna wrap with lime and shredded lettuce with chipotle ranch and fries, yall take care bye bye

@girl08022006 US💜

@hemery411 WE are safe 🧡

I’m tryna Go to Boston just for that slide

Parents weekend unlimited free beer glitch

@mkratt_plowing got the same message in my highschool group chat once and peed my pants

Gotta play it cool

@Emawnish E Dawg you’re fucking genius I appreciate your mind

they should let you smoke weed on planes