Dave Roberts

Are you lonesome tonight, is your kitchen a sight oh Bella. #Eurovisión2026

Fuck me, call vet. #Eurovisión2026

Dracula does #Eurovisión2026

It's frosties's Tony The Tiger on acid! #Eurovisión2026

Good luck to all taking part in The London Marathon today. Did you know that The London Marathon is The BBC’s longest running show…

I was pulling my boxers off on bed last night when the wife said to me, "Dave, you spoil those dogs!"

Did you know that Cristiano Ronaldo insured part of his body for millions with the so called "world's best insurance company"? "Hiscox?" No his feet..

I’ve decided that in preparation for Easter next year that I’ll give up chocolate for Lindt.

I get an errection every time I hear the song Mamma Mia! I'm abbasexual....

Saw a ladybird in a nightclub last night! It asked I wanted to try some aphid....

For Falk sake. #SWEENG

@DYSONlife4real Happy birthday you.

The other half has just said to me - "I like a film where I need a tissue at the end." Me too love, me too....

The Germans are rubbish at mathematics! I asked 100 of them if they knew what the square root of 81 was. They all said "No...."

Took the Kids swimming today. About half through the session I really needed to pee. So as it was quiet, I thought I’d have a crafty piss in the pool. The lifeguard caught me! Silly bastard blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in….

*Breaking news* - Live pictures coming in from North London as Tottenham Hotspur open and give their trophy cabinet a clean in prep for the Europa silverware arrival.

Off you fuck Israel. #Eurovision

Yeh Germany, you might give Austria 12 points, but they’ll never forget you invaded them ya bastidges…. #Eurovision

This is actually the first time I’ve ever sat and watched Eurovision, where I can’t predict with any correctness who I think a country might give their 12 points to. #Eurovision