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I think I am going mad in this household and there is no one to talk to about that. It pains me so much, it really does; how I find no solace in anyone, how I can never be understood, how it is pitiful in their eyes, and above all, how there is no one.

how to describe that? I finally cried, finally some pain is gone. I felt it crumble at the touch of my tears. All that has been building up in my chest and head has fallen a little, and I will gather it back again, for sorrows never end. I will take my sweet time with them.

What is it in me? What controls? For your own sake, hide. 10/11/2020

It must be hard to deal with me; you'll have to be cautious. I get your feelings without you saying much, it must be pleasing. It must be hard for me; I waver easily. I must not waver and be strong. It must be trifling to check your overflowing feelings. I must show no feelings.

"Too sensitive" they tell me, so I deny my feelings. For long I have done it and yet it is no better. The feelings remain. Yet, I maintain this damned image; that I am well and in no pain.

Sometimes people describe people with words that touch something in me. That unkown clinking feeling. It makes me wonder about those being described. Do they have this same pain I feel? Do they get misunderstood the same way I do? Maybe we can connect and share these feelings...

What should I do? I am hating myself now. This time I think, or maybe hope, I am realizing my only strength is I. I have my back exposed so I have to guard it myself. I am building my walls up again can't afford to raise them down. I know I will survive but not be cured of pain.

But to do that I need to get used to getting nervous and to controlling these feelings. To know that it is fine to feel like that; these feelings are not permanent. Once I get used to these actions, they will be habits.

It seems all the people I considered close to me are not any more. It is alright though. I just need to learn that somethings are not to last, somethings are not to share with others. That to take a decision on my own is totally fine. That to celebrate something alone is fine.

I am convinced that even my family does not understand my character. They would do things that hurt me unintentionally. And because they are unintentional, I can say nothing. Even if I tell them, they are not convinced. All but one understands and sometimes identifies with me.

I feel too lonely ... Too detached... Too lost

He praised me on his own accord.

Whenever I am in this condition I feel too depressed. Many feelings are inside but I refuse to let them out lest I get caught up on them. I don't want to believe them or let them control me. It is not easy and usually I escape through sleeping, wasting my time.

I usually log into this account when I am feeling down. However, this time I loged into twitter to find I forgot to switch back to the other one. I am happy this time though^^ -My Wings Are Visible :')

If I want to cry, who do I cry to?

But it seems like I am flying alone.

So, I am growing new wings

My wings are worn out ... They got torn

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This is the second thread I make. It seems like I am picking this habit. I at least am able to vent and cry somewhere...

For once I want to feel like I have done something right and not stupid ... I know people praise and complement me but unless I feel the same about me, I can't bring myself to feel that these words are real.

It is becoming a trend to show that you don't care if someone is out of your life ... I can't bring myself to do that.. The decision of cutting you out of my life and with necessity cutting me out of your life hurts