Art Vandalay

Movie deaths ranked by sadness: 1. Every dog 2. Wilson the volleyball 3. Every human

The letter X will be holding a press conference later today. #TwitterX

Does anyone else pretend to look at their phone for a few seconds when someone’s approaching a door from an awkwardly long distance behind you so that you don’t have to force them to jog when you hold it open or are you normal

You tell ‘em, Glitter Beach Ken #thebachelorette

The climate change people need to hire the same publicist as the dolphin people because to this day I cannot look at a six pack ring without worrying it’s going to choke Flipper

Who had “submarine billionaire’s stepson gets in Twitter spat with Cardi B over blink-182 concert” on their 2023 bingo card?

Imagine saying anything other than blue

Someone on TikTok asked that if everyone stopped sneezing how long it would take you to realize and it’s all I’ve thought about for 2 days

You said we could throw all the N95s in the trash wtf

Bro how are you not a person with direct knowledge of the matter

Toast is just bread biscotti

April showers bring May pasta

Why does it feel like the Met Gala happens like 3 times a year

The most unrealistic thing in a movie about shapeshifting alien robots is Shia LaBeouf landing Megan Fox

I love how airlines are like “it’s an absolute pleasure to welcome are platinum gold super elite status members. The rest of you can fuck all the way off”

Why are there literally zero photos of Clarence Thomas smiling

Is there a Simpsons episode where I win the lottery

Every time I’m in an airport I forget that I have ever been to an airport before in my entire life

Wtf

10 minutes into the first John Wick. Can’t wait to see this guy learn to love again with the help of his new puppy