One Liners

3.3K posts

One Liners

One Liners

@humurous1liners

Do you like funny one liners? Well..we got them. Buy the book: http://t.co/JsAgca7x

Everywhere Katılım Mart 2010
5 Takip Edilen5.8K Takipçiler
One Liners
One Liners@humurous1liners·
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room and I used to clean his. We were maid for each other
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
Judge: “I order you to pay $1000” Mario: “But-a why?” Judge: “It’s a fine” Mario: “No it’s-a not”
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
Trump: “I want to see Biden in jail!!” Biden: “Why does Trump think I’ll visit him in jail?”
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
What do you call a magician that lost his magic? Ian
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What do you call a Mexican in quicksand? Sinko de Mayo
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
If you see an Apple store getting robbed, that makes you an iWitness
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
I run a weekly Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting. I’m always disappointed when I see new faces each week
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
What kind of flower likes to kiss people? Two lips
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
What happened to the politician who had diarrhea during the debate? He was still in the running
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One of them is an elephant
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
I went to a friend’s house and he said “make yourself at home” so I threw him out. I hate having people over
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
Mr Peanut and the Energizer Bunny were arrested for beating up a bunch of other mascots. They were charged with a salt and battery
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
What drugs to ducks do? Quack cocaine. How do they pay for it? In bills
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
What’s the problem with 9/11 jokes? They never land?
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
What’s the definition of trust? Two cannibals 69ing each other
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
My girlfriend asked me who my favorite vampire was... I told her it was the dude from Sesame Street She said, "He doesn't count." I said, "Oh I assure you, he does.
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What is a white nationalist’s favorite porn site? Only Klans
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
I told my psychologist I have an irrational fear of living in tall buildings with multiple residential occupants. She said “hmm, that sounds like an apartment complex”
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
Andrew Tate was arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes. Any longer they would have had to given him a free garlic bread
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One Liners@humurous1liners·
I met a woman at a bar and asked to take her home. She said “Sorry I’m on my menstrual cycle.” I said “that’s ok, we can go home in my Hyundai.”
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