Chris Porter

The new special is out for free on YouTube!!! youtu.be/NlrJ_Qkmreo

Just texted myself a joke idea and then got mad cause someone was texting me so late.

I just hope Trump doesn’t let all this go to his head.

I don’t know who invented the QR code @netflix login but I hope they get blow jobs every day* cause…🤌 *they don’t

@thestiffness17 YES!!!

@IamChrisPorter Can't until they make a MASK movie... not the one with Cher

Where is the Go-Bots movie?

Me: *never searched for any Green Day song ever in my whole life* @Spotify : Green Day B-sides all day, deal with it.

@SalyerAnas30160 🙏

@IamChrisPorter Hey man! Big fan, can't make it out to your shows this weekend b/c I'm participating in Pelotonia (local fundraising thing for the James Cancer research center). Still wanted to say I appreciates what you do, and good luck!

FYI: Due to flight delays, @iamchrisporter's Thursday show is cancelled. He is still performing Fri/Sat! Ticketholders - check for an email and we'll call you with options.

I just said ‘peace out, dude’ to someone… That’s enough of the 90’s rap videos for me for while.

Should the #Royals bring back the Black Alternative Uniforms?

@acnewsitics I think she just told us to steal second.

How do you screw up something as simple as making the sign of the cross? Boebert?

NOW ON SALE 👉 @funnybrad at @ChicagoTheatre on Saturday, December 28 with special guest @IamChrisPorter! 🎟️ livemu.sc/4bh1C0Q

@AGAndrewBailey @KansasCity @buttkicker7 why don’t you worry about something more important like murders and the opioid crisis? If you’re doing your job, this shouldn’t even be on your radar.

@moodmanfdm If you look around the majority of people making your argument are white men. Also…I’m done here. You don’t see it cause you choose not to. Have a good day. Thanks for the discussion.

@IamChrisPorter As far as "archaic ideology" I'd be willing to bet you would not be happy staying at home taking care of kids and doing domestic chores while your wife works, am I wrong?

If you really want to get back at Harrison Butker then donate $50 to your favorite women’s rights charities every time he misses a kick…or every time he makes one…either way…or if you can afford it, every time he says something stupid or has a dumb look on his face.

@moodmanfdm It’s the archaic ideology that women’s major goal is children and family when no one expects that from men. Men are allowed to not have families and not be criticized but when a woman chooses career first, she is ‘sad’ or ‘unfulfilled’.

@IamChrisPorter I'll do that. Any clips to pay particular interest to?

@moodmanfdm I would reread what he said then. It’s pretty clear.

@IamChrisPorter See, this is where I'm confused. I do not see what this kicker person said, or really even implied, that women would suggest women be subservient. Marriage is a team sport. This guy obviously knows something about that.

@moodmanfdm But that should be her choice to say. A man shouldn’t tell her

@IamChrisPorter I have no doubt she did, however if you asked your mother about her greatest achievements, I'm sure she would say that would be you.

@moodmanfdm Catholics may have an anti-abortion stance but they don’t believe that women are subservient or that their greatest accomplishments are in the home. My mother is a lifelong Catholic and achieved great things in the corporate world.

@IamChrisPorter I don't understand this. Wasn't he at a catholic school? I thought thats what catholics believed. Maybe there's something I'm missing here.

Couldn’t say it better myself, @IamChrisPorter. #Royals