Imper

cool idea, let me consult it with my eunuch advisor

wish I had a hat describing the varied and complex attitudes of women and fish towards me.

Hi, I'm a guy running the machine that simulates your life. Not sure if I should go with horrors beyond your imagination or sloppy top next. lmk

I never ejaculate outside of the house in case my opps decide to use my DNA to create stronger and younger version of me

Just pondering

Peeing in the shower is truly an indulgent joy, only rivaled by slapping my nonverbal son

Anyone know of a good job for someone who hates jobs?

Plans for this weekend: Mel Gibson themed alcohol induced road rage in the name of the Lord

They will not remember the car you drove. They will not remember how much money you had. But they will remember you could smoke a full pack of Newport cigarettes in one sitting. Lock in, brother.

Sentimental Value (2025)

PARIVISION vs Falcons

I said it once ,and I will say it again. A mother of three with treatment resistant IBS can't blow off some steam at the Annual Orlando Salesforce Summit.

Dow is at 50,000 and you’re asking me about a drug test boss man??? Be so fucking fr rn

I heard Stuart Little is currently living in Israel

about to take 20 of those with some RedBull and turn into Doctor Manhattan

hard day at work today. can’t wait to get home and just aim a loaded crossbow at my door all night in case they come for me

I was absolutely born in the right generation, I love doomscrolling 4 different apps, shitposting and joking about killing myself

8 thousand people on this planet, half of them are women, dont settle for a white one 🤞

One Battle After Another (2025)