paddle

sup friends. im mid backflip rn and im learning that i did not get the trajectory right. so ill be hitting my head on the concrete soon. i hope my life goes good after “my accident”

when buying a house they should have to tell u how many germs are in it

yard sales are perfect for when youre looking for something to make you think yeah id want to get rid of that too

waitress: you guys dont care if the food is dead right?

you know what yeah can i get a new code

@sn0oozey @igetsoinspired yes i can

Can anyone else feel everything slipping away

im profoundly hungry for connection ! :)

shall we?

you can have the best weekend of your life it still ends

chipotle offers to “finish you off” when you go to check out now. life keeps changing

i drove by my office tonight for a laugh and all my coworkers were inside looking at me

@nonbinaryhooper on earth?

@ipaddlearound there’s only 5 years left

nice little 0 liker to start the morning

wait lets buffer - computers

im gonna need things to start boding well

i hate when my upstairs neighbor walks around. i hope he falls through the soft spot in the ceiling ive been spraying with water every night.

one assened pussy please

@yikingtons say again?

it can be quite difficult to shop for furniture when u do not want to be alive

{on a first date} him: so what’s your dream job me: uhhhmm.....in my dreams i am usually tiny and some sort of snail janitor. and i have to go around and mop up all the snail slime 😅 him: no, i meant like if you could have any job in the world me: what did i just say 🤨