Isabasilisk

@JackBridgesRZ “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25

“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” — 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

@indy543219748 @gonzalezharry Our bank accounts often say the same thing and we don’t take it out on the teller? A better comparison: your husband offers to give you a massage because your neck hurts. Instead of rubbing your back though, he keeps grabbing your chest and rubbing his hand down your thighs.

@isabasilisk @gonzalezharry Yes, but on their own terms. It isn't someone else saying you can't buy anything.

Actually what would happen if this was just the other way around? What if you create a ritual of going around shopping malls with your wife, “but what if she wants something and I don’t want to buy it” and you say “women need to understand non buying shopping”

@HaeckelGroyper Is it good practice to indulge tantrums?

It's completely reasonable for a man to become moody if his wife refuses sex with him.

@242mphFalcon @AryanChadG Leave. You’re in a hell of your own making. The only person to blame is you.

It's not worth it at this point. My wife doesn't even see it as a failing on her part; she just doesn't want it and doesn't care that I do, she just tells me to go jerk off or find another woman to fuck (I won't, I saved myself for her). It doesn't matter how many "marital duties" I fulfill. It doesn't matter how long I go without even bringing up sex. It doesn't matter how much I listen to her issues, or that I currently do the vast majority of the housework. It doesn't change anything when I take care of her financially, or take her on a romantic vacation to one of her bucket list destinations, she will never want to have sex with me. I was in the best shape of my life when it started, so I know it's not that. It's genuinely hell on earth, considering that I still love her and care about her, and I'm probably going to lose her over this, she says that she's tired of "feeling like we're roommates". 💀

Hear that married sexless men? Everything is your fault again. What another eye opening explanation by a woman

@itsleviOsa934 He’s Gen X and has relic-like preferences

i had to read the comments to realize this was a hate tweet

@DuckieLouise I have this type of spontaneity and love in my own marriage and yet the discourse still is deeply upsetting to me.

This whole convo about whether it’s okay to make out with your spouse and not go all the way is weird, fam. Lots of entitlement cropping up in some of those threads. I want y’all to remember, for a moment - if you can - your early 20’s. Remember having a crush?? Remember falling in love?! Do you remember grappling with whether an advance was going to be well received by a someone you truly admired -mind, body, and SOUL?? The headiness, the anticipation, the hope of it all? The lengths you would go to be elevated in your crush’s eyes? WHERE DID YOUR WHIMSY GO?? - I’m so for real. You mean to tell me that you stepped through the threshold of marriage and quit seeing each other as whole people? You let the magic die so hard that you have the audacity to expect that every affectionate touch is reduced to being the means to the end? You mean to tell me that you could never go see a movie together and make out in the car afterwards like teenagers just for the sheer joy of it and that’s no fun for you unless you go all the way?? Because you’re such a slave to your physical impulses that you forgot that you originally fell in love with this person’s SOUL?? Did you forget what intimacy IS?? It’s no wonder so many young people look at marriage and see a dead thing they want nothing to do with.

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust Hm, maybe you just haven’t had enough relationship experience for emotional intimacy concepts to resonate yet? I truly wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours though.

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust ?? What does that even mean? The man you married, had children with, who provides for you, whom you say you love and respect Now makes you feel unsafe? So we're back to he has to manage your feelings for you?

men’s ideas about “duty sex” are exactly why marital rape used to be legal and more normalized

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust If we are agreeing that men need intimacy at the biological level, then I think we can concede that women need safety without resorting to hostility lol

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust Oh, so it isnt that he wasnt properly managing your feelings for you, it was your endocrinology. You cant manage your arousal. A glass of wine, silk nightie, and foreplay just.. isnt biologically possible. Poor man. You've invented two whole fictions to avoid accountability.

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust It’s by design. Sex is a very high cost action in nature. She needs to feel safe in order for her endocrinology to signal desire for intimacy. Women who are aware of this, can override, but if the man starts pestering it’s difficult to return from that point.

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust I disagree. If your man has to "manage" you, how are you even an adult? "Its your fault I feel this way." Wtf childlike thinking is this?

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust I believe intimacy is air to men, but women cannot change their nature. They are the mate selectors. If you want to be selected, the onus is on you. Women respond to purpose-driven men who can control their emotions and don’t throw tantrums. It’s truly simple to comprehend.

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust Ok, so thats your answer: nothing. You dont even pay lip service to the importance sex is to a man. If the wife decides she's done being intimate w her husband, then he has to re-double his efforts w providing and... just go without sex. I pity your husband.

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust If the husband wants to salvage the marriage and rekindle intimacy with his wife, he will need to identify his purpose and put that above comfort, approval, or romance. He will also need to foster a primary focus of relating to others with awareness rather than neediness.

Dont dodge What should the husband do? You wouldn't want him to be frustrated, or resentful at being denied sex. Whats he supposed to do? You already communicate. The love is there, the respect, but you dont want to have sex anymore, and you wont leave him. So how do you, the wife who instigated this situation, fix it, without "duty sex"?

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust I think it is much easier to meet the needs of someone you love when there is no guilt guillotine hanging over your neck—even when you are lacking the energy or resolve.

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust Right, so this convo started on "duty sex". Is thst what you give him? Whats his recourse when you decide "no, I dont want to do that anymore. My feelings have changed. But keep raising our daughters and paying our bills, mister man!"

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust I think it helps that their father is a very grounded and kind man and I try to show him constant respect and reverence in front of them.

You tell them they are the most privileged beings in world history, every institution, organ of govt, the media, and culture is pushing for them and rooting for them. Anything less than stellar success is a waste of potential. The worst, more sure thing they can do to torpedo their futures is to be unkind to the men around them who's labors make their opportunities possible.

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust Your points felt like veiled insults lol but I think it’s understandable that men are frustrated with the current state of relationship dynamics. Ultimately, they need to adapt though. I have daughters I am guiding, so I can’t just wash my hands of the task in real life.

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust You can answer my prior questions and address my points first.

@_Penta_one_ @qnchrs @lullabystarlust They do. They carry and birth children.

@isabasilisk @qnchrs @lullabystarlust So can women

men be like “so i can’t even rape my wife any more bc of woke???”

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust How would loss of autonomy improve this unhappiness though? I don’t see how it’s addressing the underlying issues which seem more connected to technology, social media, economic stress. I’d be interested to know what your take is on a country like Afghanistan?

Ah, the lady that - is ambivalent about everyone else bc she got hers - wont answer any questions or explain herself - asks questions for me instead Women were better off because they were a part of families. They were contributing to something more meaningful than a corporation's bottom line. They were valued in the home and in the community. They weren't being overly medicated to keep them docile to keep serving a white collar interest. Women today lead every poll and index measuring unhappiness and dissatisfaction, they are breaking records every year with antidepressant usage, all so they can be on infertility drugs and wasting their prime family years either earning a degree that will never pay for itself or working a job that will never treasure them the way a family would. A minority of women have become financially independent, all so they can die alone but out of poverty. Even the Sex and the City writers regret putting forward the messages they did, regret the lives they led. The downstream symptoms of this cultural shift has not only grenaded the family structure, it is also an anchor on the well-being of men. Men are, through diversity, dei, and affirmative action measures, being selected against for employment around the world. The only Industries that are still male-dominated today are only so because women overtly decline to do those labors. If social engineers could get women to plumb toilets, they would. With men displaced, fewer are able to provide the sort of income and financial security that women look for in attractiveness. Women select for partners by looking across and up. Men select for partners by looking across and down. This is where that meme comes from where a tycoon will date a barista but a high-powered female attorney wouldn't date a mechanic. So congratulations, for a minority of women that are financially independent, they can die alone and out of poverty. For a plurality of women, they are alone because they're finding they have leveled up past the average guy and are unwilling to lower their standards. Some women get lucky or figure something out. Most men are out of luck. But sure, let's keep this culture going. No one likes it, no one is happy, but keep it up.

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust How was it better off though? Through which metric are you using to make that statement? I’m curious to know what you feel has declined.

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust All history is making a woman safe from her own nature. Sounds like humanity was better off when women were under control; your chaotic and emotional nature is the monster. Giving women their autonomy has been a catastrophe.

@amazinggengar @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust I don’t think it’s worth fighting against the nature of women. A lot of the patterns of behaviour are cyclical, protective and risk-averse. You can navigate them with better success though. It’s not usually about being nice. It’s almost always about being safe.

@isabasilisk @J_C_A__ @lullabystarlust You'd need to persuade me against the evidence of my own eyes

@_Penta_one_ @qnchrs @lullabystarlust Exactly, men can endure a small sacrifice to ensure their wives are not hurt.

That's ridiculous marriage is not an institution of roses and pleasure there will be pain and thorns and thistles and suffering alongside the good and the enjoyment Christ himself caused suffering and pain for the church the apostles died horribly and painfully Marriage must survive pain and bad, and sickness and poverty ending marriage because of pain is madness childish and elementary if you're not ready or only want comfort don't marry