Ismail Sallie

Heartbreak isn't great but the absolute worst feeling ever is reaching for the last chip in the bag only to realize you've already eaten it 💔

When my teen gets lazy I remind him how I had to walk barefooted through the snow to attend school in a blistering desert under a hot sun before daybreak after doing my chores on the farm while selling newspapers downtown.

Trump using profanity on his social media posts highlights the importance of remaining calm in stressful situations. For fucksakes.

See what happens when you buy a Nobel Peace Prize???

Restaurant Speak: Delicately seasoned: It's almost tasteless. Deconstructed: We don't know how to make it. Seasonal: We found it in the back of the freezer. Rustic: We have almost no knife skills. Reduction: It's sauce from a bottle. Imported: Prepare to pay your ass off.

One moment you're just about the coolest cat around, but before you know it you're now excited to swop out your used pot scourers for new ones.

The weakening Rand caused prices to rise. The strengthening Rand is causing prices to rise. This is basic, simple economics. You idiots.

My son left his phone in an Uber in Hong Kong. It was returned about 7 hours later because the driver was busy. If he left his phone in an Uber in South Africa, 7 hours later it would also be in Hong Kong.

@khanfats 🤣🤣🤣

@ismailsallie Not just well informed 😕 you are an intellectual geopolitical giant too 💪

As an extremely well-informed person, I can say with certainty that Mayor-elect Mandoza will implement shakira law in New York City.

Exhaustipated. When you're kak tired.

Banks: "Try not to use our tellers because we will charge you a cash deposit fee. Rather, use an ATM where we will charge you a cash deposit fee."

"The Cape Town Marathon should have taken place as planned." Me, who wheezes after walking up one flight of stairs.

I want to found a company worth R5 billion. I only need whatever the number is when you subtract R150 from R5 billion.

The three types of people I detest in no particular order: 1. Influencers. 2. Influencers. 3. Influencers.

I keep me hella sharp for someone who recently (19:45) superglued their hand to the countertop.

People who use 'big' words they don't know the meaning of really encapsulates me.

Usually, only you and your immediate family know your card pins. And your banking app. And every ATM on the planet.

@Musa_Khawula For 5K I want the real Nemo and Dory on that platter. And Jaws in garlic sauce.

Young Stunna shares his bill after dining at Utopia Restaurant; Cape Town.

There's absolutely no series, movie, or documentary that's as riveting as normal news in South Africa.