Calm like a bomb

Ladies, get yo self a man with an axe, a wood stove and a 10,000 watt generator Sorry, I’m married.

It seriously frosts my balls to see 2 full racks of solar panels in my yard, 52 wind turbines behind my house, and be under constant threat of. Power outages.

I AM PORTHOLIO!!!

I could easily be a writer for Grand Theft Auto PEI these days

It's weird that we talk so much about a "loneliness epidemic" but we don't really talk to people about how to make friends or why they are not making friends. So, a few things. I've said this before and people get very angry about me — but something has to replace smoking.

Remember when we all weren’t pissed off??

@XOSchitzo I enjoy your mind. See you soon.

I wonder if the Seacow Samuai will make an appearance during the eclipse?

I wish I loved anything as much as other people love using FaceTime.

Frankly, I’m just waiting for Ric Flairs testimony

The people who named the Hot Tub shouldn’t be allowed to name any more things.

Feels like 200 o’clock.

When the dog grabs the Elf on the shelf and shakes the shit out of it…….

Car not electric? Just close the hood on the charging cord and you’ll get better parking.

“It’s a self sacrifice for the betterment of your community, above all else.” He looked confused, but accepted my not well thought out answer

Was asked recently “Why, in this day and age, would anyone want to be a firefighter? There’s no money in it, you have to be available, hours of training.” My answer was “If you want to do this solely for the few rewards, it’s not for you.

Yes, I’m absolutely going as the Seacow Samurai this Halloween, wether he’s actually caught or not

A Costco sized bag of Doritos lasts 3.4 minutes longer in my house than a traditional sized bag

30 years ago, we blew the windows out of the General Wolfe on setting day with a 30 knot south breeze. 9 years ago, we near sank the same boat on setting day on a 25 knot NE blow. Now, with modern equipment, you call setting day off for a 9 knot breeze? Fuck right the fuck off

Why y’all so mad???