Jason Steady

I’ve lived near two graveyards, and I’ve lived near the woods. Now I’m living in the desert. I think I’ll find a giant clock to live in next, then I’ll go fight Dracula.

I have never been able to take the Beastie Boys seriously.

I don’t know who you think you are, but I disagree.

I don’t like following anyone.

I tried to Google “Burt Reynolds” and my phone autocorrected it to “Burt Rebuilds.”

I chipped my tooth on the End of the World.

Intellectuals need to post more nudes.

Employees should be called Joblins.

I invented a new thing called a Yaco. It’s like a taco, but that’s as far as I got.

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to everyone who sucks.

Spending 6+ months looking forward to running water has been an interesting perspective shift.

If you’re in a band with me, it’s probably best if you just quit.

I’m not immature, I’m merely foolish.

I live in my own head rent-free.

I can’t believe thanksgiving is over and I have to stop calling everyone Turkey Neck.

Degenerates lack benefits.

Step one: Make the problem funny

What lacks in wonk, lacks in character.

All the little red flags that seem cute and manageable are always cut from the same giant banner.

If you show me how to live without you, I will.