ryan

asking the server questions like “how much ranch are you allowed to give me?”

i don’t know why lesbians don’t like me i’m something like a lesbian myself

i wonder if anyone else knows that i’m a person or if that secret has been kept under wraps

can you guys like some of my other tweets too i’m bored

@anthony64748247 i already believe in nuru guru juju

@jebediah67 ok but like genuinely what if you said the incantation 3 times and then he just like. actually appeared how would you react would you chalk it up to coincidence or would you truly believe in nuru guru juju

like 8 years this homeless guy told me that if i’m ever in any trouble all i had to do was say “nuru guru juju” and that’s when he will appear and he’ll handle it. i haven’t had to use it yet but one day…

@janglymissive @looplooploop00 exactly, it’s not gonna work for anyone else

@looplooploop00 @jebediah67 I assume it's a Jiminy Cricket type deal where he's a spirit guide of sorts for one person only.

@seattleiminyou i don’t want to but at some point i might have to

@jebediah67 Hmm idk if I want to summon him

i forgot to mention that i have to say it 3x fast. that part is important

the most annoying people in the world always talk to me when i wear my weezer shirt

what fresh hell is this?

i am confusion

two poops friendship

that’s not something i’m going to dignify

i feel like i’m always on the verge of a panic attack but nothing ever happens… wat that mean?

love when people tell me to be more confident like trust me that is not the issue

i cooked frog legs and they’re not good at all tbh

coworker that i’m in love with asked me if her eyes looked normal… like c’mon don’t ask me to look into your eyes please don’t do this to me

sure yeah you’re right i actually am the worst person in the world