James Layden

Feel like with all the technology we have now we can do away with putting barbed wire atop prison walls. I don’t have any proposition of what to replace it with, just seems like an outdated method of containment

Been keeping a tub of tomato soup available at all times just in case a skunk sprays me. You do not prepare to fail, you fail to prepare.

If I am ever homeless, I’m gonna live under a bridge and not let anyone cross until they have answered my riddle

Being misunderstood is the fate of all geniuses.

Anyone still got a tire swing?

Lake Huron so disrespected man

Am I really expected to believe this guy Yankee Doodle really stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni?

@aidanjfedor is mad funny

Been too long since the doc has hit me with that tiny mallet on my knee

Anyone tryna to start a techno-band? I got dibs on the keyboard guitar but other spots are open

It is with a heavy heart I must announce the end of this year’s #tweetmas . Thank you all for your undying support and have a merry Christmas! 🎄 See you next December!

If someone made a song about choosing a seasick crocodile over me and not wanting to touch me with a 39 and a half foot long pole, I’d flip. Not to mention their 3 words to describe me being stink, stank, stunk? I’d ruin their Christmas too #tweetmas

Anyone still have a toboggan? #tweetmas

I like the idea of the winter classic around Christmas time. However I’d like even more if they added a summer classic where a baseball game took place on ice. @MLB lmk #tweetmas

Remember talking to Santa last year when he stopped by on Christmas. Asked him how much the sled cost him, he said it was on the house😂 ahhhhh anyways #tweetmas

Maybe the real Saint Nick was the friends we made along the way #tweetmas

This is so awesome. All these chestnuts roasting on the open fire. And the best part, my nose being so warm and unscathed for the foreseeable future #tweetmas

If you’re ever doing something and think “I’m getting too old for this” remember, Santa is at least 50 years old and still chugging along #tweetmas

So Rudolph was bullied his whole life for being the one reindeer who didn’t have to work on Christmas!?!? Uhhh yeah sign me up #tweetmas

Feel like penguins should have a bigger role around Christmas time. Are they just lazy or something? #tweetmas