john patrick: future president

u all looking soooooo silly rn saying “he will rise.” i LITERALLY watched him get crucified yesterday! no coming back from that dum dum! LMAO imagine having any king but caesar

This is the interview Donald Trump didn’t want you to see. His FCC refused to air my interview with Stephen Colbert. Trump is worried we’re about to flip Texas.

Still the greatest plot synopsis I have ever heard.

in october 2021 i had such a transcendently good piece of pumpkin pie w/ a dense texture. i got obsessed with trying to recreate it every fall for the next three years. anyway, i finally nailed it. here's the recipe–pumpkin pie with orange zest and cardamom whipped cream

joe pesci frankenstein called frankie stein

a 5’8 frankenstein prob would have been chill with all the villagers. smoking loud instead of screaming at fire. my people are trying to reach out to mary shelly as we speak

she stein on my frank till I MARRY shelly

the frankenstein? drop the “the”. it’s cleaner.

girl just pissed in my shit only toilet. plumber says it’s ruined.

my buddy ray bradbury just asked me the what temp paper burns at, the mind of a writer is dead ass crazy

You see lots of guys with a “mom❤️” tattoo never see anyone with a dad tattoo or even better an Unc tat ❤️ like and share if you agree ❤️

who am i? what am i doing with my life?

Half-Birthday Party Announcement

got free guac at chipotle tonight and i’m gonna ride this high for the rest of my life. all self hatred has left my brain; i’m finally free. i got it for free guys. i don’t even like guac.

Drivers License - by Olivia Rodrigo by John

You Raise Me Up - Written by Josh Groban, Performed by John

Sail - AWOLNATION cover by john

my wife left me for this man. if you see him please call the authorities.

family