John “the senate” Diamond

would you rather work for Dunder Mifflin, or Valley Forge Auto? same characters.

me going to wake up my mom after throwing up all over my carpet and sheets at 3:99am

Mind if a white boy speak a lil espanol on this friday night? #LANK

And i’m the worst rocket league player known to man and can’t name one player. shits just entertaining.

Is it crazy to say that Id rather watch pro Rocket League than pro MLB baseball?

@Hoopss cheating on savannah with any woman ever

You wake up in LeBron James body. What's the first thing you doin?

love that phillip rivers is playing but bro looks like he moans a little when he throws.

lowkey there’s an elephant in the room too. gonna have to bite the hand that feeds me.

was gonna start building rome today but, there’s two birds in my way and i only have one stone.

@pixelprayer out of beer

she put 2 hands on my 1 hand weiner. i think i fell in love tonight.

Is this the first ever beer at the kids table?

This post Thanksgiving meal zyn is gonna hit like crack.

Eating cold pizza is like jerking off from memory.

@BreastLoverDan Dan, You just don’t want it bad enough. Beer and dogs are man’s best friends. With love, John

I can’t get drunk off beer anymore. Fuck.

Might get ridiculously blacked tonight. Missing the 29 fallen on the SS Edmond Fitzgerald like a muh.

Jesus dude i feel like i should be put down. Hell of a friday night.

monitors in the formal for better connection? #cbtm

bought a parrot, might make it fly around your room and shit

at Hooters: I’ll have the chocolate milk please