Johnny Beehner

Comedian DESTROYS crowd with KILLER crowd work. #comedy #crowdwork #destroy #beehner #standupcomedy

Didn’t win the damn lottery … AGAIN!!!

Hacky, overused social media phrases that everyone’s tired of don’t exi-

I tell my kids not to care about what people think of them, yet I don’t unsubscribe from emails because I worry the company will be disappointed in me.

My penis fell off today. I’m serious.

I’m a shrinker, not a stinker.

Taco Bell’s chili cheese burritos are 2nd to none

FRIDAY, Oct 25 @ 8pm 😆👏🤣 😂Comedian Johnny Beehner with 😂Host Zach Favorite @johnnycomic @zachfcomedy 😂👉2️⃣1️⃣21 or older to drink 😂👉👉1️⃣7️⃣17 or older to attend 🎟️👇aztecshawneetheater.ticketspice.com/comedy-night-1… 😂Comfy theater seats, full bar 🍺🥤& snacks🍿🍫 in lobby #LIVEcomedy #shawneeks

“Didn’t you guys used to have a hot tub?” “Nope. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Wait a minute, Kamala’s mom’s name is Shamala?? That is pretty funny.

@FarmersFridge Wow. Price increase, huh? That sucks. Feeling gouged from everyone-now you, too. I think it’s best if we part ways. I noticed the rewards did not increase, just the price. SMH

Not for long, my friend.

Eat today how you want to shit tomorrow.

Aw man. I love ya, @KwikTrip , but ya burned me today. I ALWAYS get my creme-filled long john, but today someone put a regular one on the creme-filled shelf. My friday is ruined. 😔

you ever think you just came up with the funniest bit ever, and so you run it by one friend and based on their reaction, you decide that you made a mistake trying to make a living as a comedian?

I’m not proud of all my tweets.

Someone should make a gif of Chewbacca having sex with snuffleupagus.

#chiefs #SuperBowlLVIII

No social media post has ever made me change the way I look at time, money, or parenting. #33rdSeoulMusicAwardsinBKK

There’s got to be at least 2 snowflakes that are the same. There’s way too many for them ALL to be different. I mean, come on!

Dear hotels, Let’s stop putting mirrors on bathroom doors facing the toilet. It was kinda eye-opening in my younger, more curious days. I’m over it now. Love, Johnny