Jordan

@Ken_The_Sheriff Scared of: no fukka

Anyone struggling for a last minute present? This is Samson. Print it, frame it. Smouldering.

@decentpatter Fairy up liquid

Imagine paying someone £85 to come n smash up ur gaff 🤣🤣

he's flown out the line there, mile offside

@Mike_J_Carr That's a lovely looking pint of Guinness, Michael.

Nearly 20 years since he borrowed my Shay Given GK top for his first game (6-2 win over Everton) and me and the baby brother are still suffering at #NUFC games. Villa away today.

@Mike_J_Carr It's a sign

The neighbours have had 9 kids!!

@MarcusMyth Snog Barry, marry Will, avoid Tye

@tomclivelewis @LeoAlasdair Leo? Threw? Up? Because? Of? Spoiled? Food?????? I won't hear it.

@LeoAlasdair You need a word with yourself

Threw up on Wednesday night after eating taramasalata that had been (in hindsight) out in the sun too long. It’s taken me two whole days to come up with ‘more like Ta ra masalata 🤮👋’

@ForesightNewsUK @tomclivelewis when pub open

*DATES FOR YOUR DIARY* We've rounded up all the key dates from the government's #Budget announcements and the other big fiscal events you need to look out for: bit.ly/3kMAj4R

@jfksafk "french fries" sit the fuck down

Just learned about chip buttys, which is an English food that is literally just French fries in between two slices of bread. This is just making me so irrationally angry

@duncan_weir @StuartWHOGG_ @LeoAlasdair 🔥

Can win all the trophies ye want pal, still canny catch yer old Da @StuartWHOGG_ 😂🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

a life choice was made

@elisjames @talkSPORT nearly managed a full day without thinking about rambo's semi final suspension, nice one

@talkSPORT Players missing games in the knock out stages of a tournament because of bookings they picked up in the group games

If you could get rid of or change ONE football rule, what would it be? 🤔

@MarcusMyth No PS4?

Just waiting on that office chair now.

@bclapham89 Big ups the Claphmeister General

@haineontheweb except lavigne is pronounced like lasagne

@WalesPolitics2 @ITVWales @BronwenLewis_ no worries Hun xoxo

@WalesPolitics2 @ITVWales @BronwenLewis_ The H stands for Horseshit

The first in our new series: Welsh Music From Home 🎶 @BronwenLewis_ lost all her upcoming live work because of COVID-19. Now, she's doing virtual gigs and raising money for charities. Here she is performing Calon Lân, it's a tearjerker! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿bit.ly/2VgjKC4

@dan_scarffe @tomclivelewis Don't you say that

@jooooord @tomclivelewis Got nothin’ on dob

“Paint me like one of your French girls, Jack”