jason

they call it a hotel because you told me about it, hoe

spam caller: if this was not you, pls hang up bitch you called me

@samanthawillman 🤯

Heel and sole Heal and soul Why???

jersey mike gotta be the most successful person ever from jersey

@samanthawillman just say sorry next time

This morning I was running late and I projected that stress onto my barista who is great and was working very hard and I feel guilty about that

@missus_wormy that means you not real

i would never post actual truths about my personal life on the internet

@otokyo__ i went to my 4th grade class

Who remembers what they were doing the morning of 9/11?

american spirit >>> marlboro

americans ability to drive drunk is unmatched

@cosmicturt @bronzeageshawty it is

@bronzeageshawty A Mexican Brujo once told me tequila is good for you.

I randomly kind of want to go get drunk and eat Mexican food. But I won't.

@bronzeageshawty certified not mexican

@kaitduffy no we trying to live

35 years-old and still doing molly like are you trying to die

@malmesburyman you wouldn't know american rizz

This is shameful. His shoes should be made exclusively by an old Italian man at a company that has been making shoes for Popes since the 1400s or something.

wine and cigarettes

@TiffanyFong speak for yourself

Your balls are riddled with microplastics.

@iberianymph imagine living in california and taking a picture of a tennis court

imagine not living in California

we don't want to see your baby's mammograms. give him some privacy for pete's sake

ur city is as cool as ur baseball team

it really is thirst trap thursday huh

@penandjen dayum gurl

@samanthawillman i originally thought you wrote "circumcised" and tbh that probably also works here

It's funny because I think that the story of modernity could be more or less circumscribed by the rise and fall of our notion of domesticity.