justin thompson

Ironing my most impressive comedy festival t-shirt

Chuck Norris dead at 86

Kill me, I’m Irish

When I was in 7th grade I didn't know what autism was, I just knew a kid who could draw WW2 planes from memory

i have burt bacharachnophobia, i can't even watch austin powers

I just got done shoveling snow and all I have to say if fuck ICE

Announcing my run for mayor for every city in America. Doesn't matter which one, just write me in.

If you're ever feeling lonely, just fill out some forms for moving companies saying you want a quote and you'll never be left alone again.

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land in New Jersey

He died as he lived, inciting violence

Hey folks! Drop Up Video is back tonight at @pineboxrockshop at 9! Featuring @realDANYANG @lizzaymartinez @BobIsntFunny @justinthompdad Max Higgins, Annie Lockwood & Kevin O'Brien!

I want to post about getting engaged, but need to figure out how to do in a way to advance my career

Lord forgive me for what I am about to do to the bathroom at this Goodwill

Going up to the projectionist at AMC and asking them to turn on the captions

“This bar sucks” me out loud to no one, alone at home

Trying to stay optimistic in spite of all the rejections I have been getting for my screenplay “The Slut who Saved Christmas”

No Kings Day doesn't apply to Bernie Mac

Is it cake? I don't know and I don't care, I've got my own problems

Safe sex is overrated. How do you think I got fired from my job at Bank of America?