Funny Tweets™

You're so ugly, that when your mom dropped you off at school she got a ticket for littering.

Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now.Nipple squirrel potato

Ever take a shit so intense you had to take off all your clothes?

Men have feelings too. For example, we feel hungry.

Moment of silence for people who still wear Aeropostale.

I don't get how you take 3 hours to get ready and still leave your house looking like a basic bitch

To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen are attracted to Ladies.Not sluts.Sorry.

"Did you do the homework?" "No." "Okay good me neither, I'm not the only one."

Ugly hoes are always blessed with fat asses.

I really feel the power of Twitter.We could all start a fucking revolution. I know We won't.We're all lazy, drunk or high.But we could!

You've got higher grades than mine, not because you're smarter than me, but because I'm lazier than you.

i literally can not remember the last time i went to bed when the clock actually said “pm” on it

That awkward moment when you are running and your boobs are bouncing.... And you're a guy

My mother always told me if you can`t say anything nice, don`t say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.

*goes back to school after a long break* how do i hold a pen

Me: Hey dude I banged your momFriend: dude my moms dead.Me: hmm, that explains why she wasn't moving so much.

Yelling "Whore!" in a public place and watching 15 girls turn.

Never trust someone that take hours to text you back but when you're with them they always have their phone in their hand texting.

Want to get in shape and grow 2-3 inches taller Fast to impress your friends? Check out the Tips and Tricks in my Last Tweet.

I don't get how you take 3 hours to get ready and still leave your house looking like a basic bitch