KP

Took me a whole minute to find "~" on my keyboard. My 14 year-old self hates my current self.

I'm giving up work for lent. Bye.

When you take an hour nap with your dog laying across your neck like a scarf and think you can die a happy person now because dogs rule

There's a bottle of vodka in my vegetable drawer of my refrigerator so ya, you could say grad school is going well.

Me: *reads label* Label: One size fits everyone's head but yours.

The main reason I don't have kids is because I can't blast my tunes with a baby in the back seat.

@SortingBot ... K

Dogs count for the carpool lane, right?

Jotted down some ideas for my MOH speech... Just bawling. Get your tickets early folks, I'm going to be one hilarious mess. @karapete 😂😭😭🍻

@casey_smith2 showering after, feeling like a bad ass with wet hair in the halls. Yeah....

Spot on.

Kasey Lake + dope ass mustache = perfection @averischmidt

Don't ask me how I accidentally put hydrogen peroxide directly in my eye, but I did. And now I'm blind.

Brady asked me if he should throw my beer bong away while we were cleaning today. Like, lol... No.

@casey_smith2 is this supposed to be something new? 😹😽

@NewmansHood cheers brother! 🍻

Ok kids, time to go to school so I can eat your Easter candy for breakfast.

@RasmussenMike best tweet of 2015.

For most of history, anonymous was a woman.