kerry

Just heard a heartbreaking cry from my golden retriever, thought he was seriously hurt or something Nope, I had just left the vacuum out and he was too afraid to walk past it and was "stuck" in the kitchen

there’s only 3 types of people who are never wrong: – Women – Oldest daughters – Firstborn granddaughters

“It’s been a long-ass week” — me, in the middle of Monday

You won’t find a better tweet out there today.

that prenup is about to be longer than any book travis kelce has ever read

I know Deshaun Watson was nervous as shit lmaooo

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers

ICE officers stopped by our farm yesterday. “We need to inspect your property for illegal aliens,” one of them said. I replied, “Alright, but whatever you do, don’t go into that field over there.” The officer in charge exploded. “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government behind me!” he barked, reaching into his back pocket. He yanked out a badge and shoved it in my face. “See this fucking badge? This badge means I can go wherever I want on ANY land. No questions asked, no answers given. Am I clear? Do you understand?” I nodded politely and said, “Be my guest.” Then I went back to my chores. About ten minutes later, I heard screaming. I looked up and saw six ICE agents running for their lives, being chased by my big, mean, old bull. And with every step, that bull was closing in. Fast. It looked like they were about to get gored for sure. So I dropped my tools, ran over to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs: “YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKING BADGE!”

If Caruso or Dort ever had to guard SGA and played defense the way they do they’d foul out in the first quarter

spent my skinny years thinking i was fat… now i’m actually fat and pissed about it

Nah man with this sh*t so ACCURATE lmao “Tyrese Haliburton plays like Steve Urkel when he was dominating that episode of Family Matters” 😭😭😭

Ok the biggest recession indicator of them all!!!

Andrew Berry calling Joe Flacco

No comments needed.

The Cavs are simultaneously playing their worst basketball of the season while in the midst of a 13 game winning streak.

“Get the fuck out of here” They did not get the fuck out of there

Final: Cavs 123 Celtics 116 @jaytatum0

Me every single day of 2025 so far

Destiny Child just traded Beyoncé to TLC for Chilli