Rachel Eddy

#ArrestedDevelopment #KimKardashian #banana

I entered the $25 Merrily We Roll Along CheapTix Lottery on @TodayTix! Tap here to enter: todaytix.com/nyc/shows/2629…

Next time I’m pissed with my boyf I’m going to tell him the cocktail party is cancelled

As soon as I figure out what hyaluronic acid is, it’s over for you bitches

I entered to win $15 tix to see Assassins on @TodayTix! Enter here: todaytix.com/nyc/shows/2155…

Starting a seminar to help straight boys find happiness. First lesson: accept that Tom Brady will always win.

It’s the level of cold in my apartment where I’ve turned into FDR at my desk (blanket on lap)

Unfortch we can’t yet solve global warming because all of the world’s best scientists have been commissioned to figure out how to put glass in the number 2 for the new year

What if, all along, the honey pokey was what it’s all about?

Using a bidet is like that carnival game where you shoot water guns at a target, but instead of getting a teddy bear, your prize is not using an entire roll of toilet paper

#BachelorInParadise has Beetlejuice rules: if the contestants say someone’s name three times, they will walk down the steps

Are we gonna talk about Nicole Kidman’s accent in Nine Perfect Strangers, or?

Is vocal fry a prerequisite for becoming a pilot?

@LasCulturistas #fyc for Best Teacher We Ever Had (Teacher Respect Award)

This adorable little troublemaker leaves a trail of treats wherever he goes. ❤️ #ad

Life hack: if you need to go and can’t find a bathroom, ask the nearest UPS for for a Cologuard box #Sponsored

Never related more to the Gemini stereotypes as rn, post one year + of full social lockdown. This is your warning—buckle up for a weird SZN y’all!

Just confirmed: Olivia Rodrigo actually wrote “Sour” for every person who’s ever dated someone in a musical theatre conservatory program

@thetzechun Us too

Getting ahead of this right now

@thetzechun I'm in for Jew-ish. Whoops, Google tells me it's already been done.