keIs

Acoustic bathroom trip (without my phone)

Told my mom the CBD gummy she just took was a gateway gummy and now she’s freaking out

YouTube channel that reviews different Lego sets called “Bricked Up”

@bethpankau toasssssttt

when i say i’m back on my bullshit please know it means i’m addicted to toast again

When I’m alone on a road trip driving, on aux, navigating, providing the snacks, and exclaiming “cows!” when there’s cows, that’s me being a one-man band that’s a performance

Use promo code gizzard at checkout

If you guys don’t have a kick ass summer I swear to fucking god

Been focusing on myself (tweeting my demented thoughts instead of retweeting other people’s)

Nice try that’s a Dan Flashes shirt if I’ve ever seen one

@bethpankau quickly

My toxic trait is idk how to pour out of a glass without it dripping down the side of the glass :)

You were waiting in line for the ice cream truck to spend money on the powerpuff girls ice cream with the bubble gum eyes, I was behind the truck where there was no line inhaling the exhaust fumes for free

@bethpankau Coward I see

Kelsey thinks my dog is ugly

@griff7n @asapSelvyy Let’s FUCKING GOOOOOO

“That’s right” - @asapSelvyy

Started flossing regularly so if I’m ignoring your texts it’s because I’ve ascended

I don’t drive 60 mph on lower wacker because I’m running late I do it to pretend I’m in The Dark Knight

So sick of the “reading makes you smarter” trope. The fuck it does. Do you who can write a book? Anyone. Steve Harvey has 17 books. Dr Phil has 21

Men love to tell you about “a great little joint nearby” for 35 minutes straight without inhaling oxygen once

@i_aint_ly0n NO ONE WILL FILL THAT CUBE

just finished my last day at work

Whenever I accidentally bite the inside of my cheek while chewing I’m like ok cannibal now that you’ve gotten a taste for human flesh it’s only a matter of time, all we can do now is wait