Kevin Ryder

Why on god’s green earth would they ever put the charging ports on an airplane beneath the seat you’re sitting on instead of on the back of the seats in front of you?

On the other hand, someone I know wrote a post saying that their baby is “unapologetically herself,” which makes no freaking sense. Imagine the complex you would have given your baby if they’re thinking “I’m sorry, I know I’m not likable when I’m fussy.”

Saying that you’re “unapologetically yourself” is a solid red flag. Maybe you should be apologizing more often. If you weren’t an asshole, you would just be yourself.

Just found out that double buckling is illegal. The more you know.

Kind of wild that I’ve been a father for 2.5 months and get the same accolades as all other dads on Father’s Day who put in a whole year of work. My pro-rated Father’s Day would be over before brunch ended.

Reading a book on parenting while your wife is in labor is the ultimate form of cramming for a test.

Given what we know about Georgina Sparks, we’re going to have to wait and see how this story develops.

I just found out that my mom got a family friend a giant antique bird cage as a wedding gift. They literally told her that they didn’t want it. I now have a new favorite story.

They may be suspicious, but they’ll never truly know.

I’ll run into someone from work while I’m at dinner and they’ll say “Who is this man that I’ve never seen before?? It certainly could not be my coworker!” “That being said, I have never seen them in the same place at the same time!”

Leaving work and unbuttoning one button from my shirt on the way down the elevator. Clark Kent to Superman.

Couldn’t the term ‘tug-of-war’ be shortened to just a ‘tug war’? Seems like that would make more sense anyway, no?

@JoeBiden Tubthumping by Chumbawamba?

My dad had an expression. He said, “Champ, it’s not how many times you get knocked down. It’s how quickly you get up.” I'm told there's even a song about it.

Tear jerking lol

People should be able to submit anonymous feedback to their friends’ therapists. “Have you heard about the shit they’ve been pulling lately?!”

Kind of wild that a therapist’s only insight into your life is what you tell them. Talk about an unreliable narrator…

Starting a trend of throwing surprise house warming parties

I literally just realized that cheez-its don’t come across as cheese flavored at all

Pretty Woman: A story of hiring a hooker for all the right reasons.

Vet: "Has your dog been lethargic lately?" Me every time: "Well he's been sleeping for 20 hours a day for the last three years, so..."