Laura Gutin Peterson

@TylerDinucci Last night at 8:59, the 11-year-old turned to me and said “Mariah will be fully defrosted and ready to go in two hours and one minute.”

@schnitzelboy Ugh, I’m so sorry

This is one of my closest friends. Don’t look away. See what his brother and his family came home to. #Antisemitism

@CubanMissileDH @GroovyBruce What a day! A career highlight watching his wrestle Bill Pullman.

Flashback to 2012 when I was a young staff writer on 1600 Penn and I met @GroovyBruce. Hail to the king, baby!!

@ParkerMolloy Fascinating to look at it this way - I’m in LA and a lot of Jewish groups online were sharing warnings from a Twitter account that turned out to be a full-on white nationalist.

@guybranum And she’s Sara Netanyahu’s chief of staff? This makes me sick

This is horrifying. I am so ashamed that Jews have not learned from our own history.

...never take a first step, never have another good dream or even another nightmare. In this moment that is all I can think of — it fills my mind from edge to edge — and everything else is commentary."

As always, Talia Lavin (@mobydickenergy) expresses the feeling so eloquently: "I think about how many children have died already in this conflict, at the hands of theocratic absolutists who care nothing at all about those who will never grow up, never fall in love...

It has been an awful, numb few days as I grapple with what's happening in Israel and Gaza, but to come across an online argument where some fucking ghouls were saying, "Well, they couldn't have beheaded THAT many babies, sounds fishy..." I think that's what broke me

The 8-year-old turned to me and said, “It’s funny, you’re waaaaay older than me but I know so much more than you” and I laughed but also Chanukah is canceled.

I was admiring our neighbor's Halloween decorations and drew closer to examine his super-lifelike display of crows, at which point the crows took off en masse and I shit my pants.

People are dunking on McCarthy’s misplaced confidence but I think he simply meant, “After I am humiliatingly ejected from my position as Speaker, I will comfort myself by watching Bring It On.”

To be clear, I am still on strike against vegetables.

With each birthday I wonder, is this it for me? Am I aging into irrelevance? But then a mammogram tech comments "Wow, those are some dense breasts!" and I realize -- I've still got it, baby!

Aww, my phone doesn’t know the strike is over

I'm in awe of the work done by our WGA negotiating team and the tireless picketing of my 11000 fellow writers but ALSO the other night at my birthday dinner I blew out my candle and wished for a fair end to the strike so I THINK I pushed us over the top.

@WritersDidThat @MikeRoyce You killed it, DanSan. You get TWO treats from the prize box!

@guybranum Hence the line in the Vidui when we apologize for not shredding our quads as hard as we could’ve

Yom Kippur is an amazing opportunity to remind you that Judaism is not a religion it is a Bro-Science body optimization lifestyle with elements of strategic animal protein source separation and intermittent fasting. HaShem is bringing the gainz!

@MikeRoyce I still think about an "FBI: Female Body Inspector" t-shirt I saw at the Jersey Shore in 1990.

@lauramannino Just heard til 2 at Disney

@CubanMissileDH Ooh, can we also demand they take all the scary posters for The Nun?!

It is time for us to hit the AMPTP with our REAL demands. 1. Tender Greens & Mendo banned from lunch rotation, founders imprisoned 2. Destruction of Galaxy Parking and that one parking structure at Universal 3. Mandatory room puppy/cat budget, budget increases by size of animal