Lee

"I had an ex-mistress from Corpus."

"After you bone her, you don't have to pay for anything." - Eva Lynne Aldridge

@pattonoswalt Just bought tickets to see Young Adult. HOPE IT DOESN'T SUCK.

@__will You know how much I love conquering plastic realms.

"My Black Flag tattoo is haggard as fuck and that's what I like about it."

Another TINY problem for the GOP is that Ronald Reagan would have tripped over himself to vote for Obama if he were alive.

One SMALL problem for the GOP is that Obama is a center-right Republican that most of America likes.

Melancholia is far and away the best film I have seen this year. I've not seen such a moving and accurate cinematic portrayal of depression.

@__will #ieatatramenrepublicwhen the new vegan spot can't get their shit together and I'd like more disappointment.

Dudes that spit constantly are fucking gross. Stop it, you disgusting manchild.

Just had a sweet steak-n-salad sesh with some solid bros in a kitchen in Austin. #austinlyfe #thursday #bro

MTV True Life: I value tacos more than human relationships.

Black Friday flash mob: everybody go to Walmart at 5am and slaughter a lamb at checkout lane 14.

Don't forget why we celebrate Thanksgiving: it's when Jesus made his last stand against the Nazis at the Alamo. #knowyourhistory

My parents have cable. Guess I'm watching Ninja Warrior all morning. YOU WIN THIS ROUND, TV.

Hey, "movie buffs." Boondock Saints is fucking garbage, and Quentin Tarantino isn't very good either. Sorry, just needed to say that.

@juggaloprinz It's awesome. You'd probably love it.

I'm not gonna go out looking for it, but if somebody's got some human flesh just lying around I won't let it go to waste. #skyrim #thuglife

@theneener Twitter would be less fun.

@theneener You need some pro-tips?