pumpkin spice shmatte

IN THIS HOUSE, WE BELIEVE Science is hard Dark Brandon is President Love is only for the gays now No human can truly be free as long as they continue to pilot their ever-decaying meat suit Taylor Swift is just ok Cheese is everything

Absolute admiration for President Zelenskyy. The guy has balls. He went into the Oval Office and stood up to Russia’s best negotiators.

my bad - the other notable difference is Michael Bay is one of the worst film directors I can think of and Greta Gerwig rules

"why would anyone want to see a movie about Barbie?" I dunno Susan, the 1983423 Transformer movies were wildly popular, no one questioned that, and the only difference is those were dolls for boys not like Barbie has been the most popular doll on earth for 50 years or anything

Wild that the Russian government is the second implosion of billionaires to capture the news cycle this week

dogs rule dogs drool these concepts are not mutually exclusive but complementary

@latkedelrey my claustrophobia could NEVER but this is fully harmless and not a big deal

why are you all so scandalized by this. this is like the mildest thing

@nauseousmilf @22gthumb This is the dumbest fucking stereotype

@22gthumb literally nurses are all the mean girls that bullied people in highschool

@EaLeathers @wineboxpapi lol you got me, beep boop

@wineboxpapi From one check mark to another check Mark: fuck these bitches, probably bots.

Imagine thinking this way

@wineboxpapi Do another "imagine" quote tweet, that'll show us!

@wineboxpapi @itsmegangraves ...he shouted at the woman with nearly 40x as many followers and you even bought the check mark woof

As shitty comedian yourself you should know that this is purely just a topic (which we switch every week) for people to practice writing, you have no idea what you’re talking about (clearly) Also I do not value myself based off of likes on social media, that was a sold out show lmao

You’re not relevant enough to make anyone “mad” sex workers are just bored of open mic losers having nothing better to talk about than us. Try living a more interesting life or taking some writing classes and maybe your next pinned joke will get more than 10 likes 💖

broke: parasocial relationship with John Mulaney woke: parasocial relationship with Petunia run free, little French goblin. there is a new printing press for you at the end of the rainbow bridge.

immunity lecture thoughts: Auntie Jen would be a great drag name

CONSIDER: if you are accelerating to 35mph between stop signs on a residential street, the person attempting to turn from their alley onto said street is not the asshole and was actually not unreasonable to merge in front of you when you were supposed to have been driving 0mph

jorbin peterman (pumped up after making his own bed) sits across from you wearing suit lined with 1000 faces of elno mork. he pulls a slab of raw meat out of the bucket next to him and takes a bite, tears streaming down his face: 'what? too scared to debate me, an INTELLECTUAL?'

If your dog’s name is Wrigley then your opinion is automatically discarded

pole dancers in heel technique class

LeVar Purrton is a top tier cat name

at the age where switching my nose stud for a hoop is peak "spicing things up" send help

money doesn't "buy happiness" but it sure does remove a lot of day-to-day obstacles that cause unhappiness so if you could stop saying this to people who are financially stressed

me, inventing new ways to misuse chairs