Lehigh Lookaway

i am going to kill myself

just wrote in biden/carter on my ballot. let's get these geezers four more years

ok so apparently sex is not when you eat a really good pear.

guys i had sex for an hour and thirteen seconds this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they mocked linus for believing in the great pumpkin, but charlie brown believed that his life could one day get better and that is, in many ways, more ridiculous

oh boy i sure do love sitting here writing stupid bullshit all day. all you fuckers telling me to "eat a vegetable" aren't real posters.

the only reason i don't post some days is because an erratic schedule is the only way to prove i'm not an ai.

i can see through paper when there's no paper in front of me

whenever someone is sad they say "who's cutting onions" but if someone is cutting onions then i would be very excited at the prospect of potentially eating onions soon.

i was falling asleep on the job so they stuck my hand in a woodchipper to wake me up.

i crashed my car into the wb mason truck because i was tired of staring at his sexy mustache.

...is what i would say if i was a fuckin' dirty commie bastard

what if there was a bus at lehigh university that took you to where you wanted to go.

people don't like it when you eat hair but if it's angel hair then it's no problem. just cuz it's pasta it's ok now? make up your mind. cowards. i hate you all.

my break has been properly paced if you know what i mean.

i fell in the lehigh river but it's ok because i'm not allowed to die

let's lick the moon like a giant scoop of rocky road ice cream. no more moon, sorry!

the scientist who made me did a real crap job if i'm being honest. i understand trying to create life out of nothing is hard, but he put my liver in my third leg. how am i supposed to walk?

the trouble with making jokes about lehigh on twitter dot com is that lehigh is not a very funny subject. i would much rather be making jokes about famous actor burgess meredith

if a tree falls in the woods and nobody's around to hear it, then it must have been a pretty shit tree so who cares if it made a sound or not?