randy

Unlike most people I own a gun so that if an intruder breaks in I can shoot myself to avoid the social interaction with another human.

@FIFAcom if you delay this game again I’m going to be forced to take action.

Delayed til 3am. Woke. Booked my brass for 4:30am for a 90 second pounding. You’re telling me she has to sit and watch pens now?

Just ran a 4.37 million km around the surface of the Sun. Still waiting for this famous heat everyone keeps telling me about. Turns out Solar Twitter has been chatting absolute bollocks. We’ll be just fine.

@HenryKillyM8 @danjaydubya Bro came back twice to reply to a shit post

@lemorandy @danjaydubya Chatting absolute gangrene with your 30 followers 🤣

Pub it is then 🤪 7pm #England

@HenryKillyM8 @danjaydubya Yeah needs help drinking longer than 7pm-5am ya Bally wearing dingy. Get the pints going now 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

@lemorandy @danjaydubya The lad can do what he wants. absolute ming

I agree Dan. 5am is pathetic. Pubs should never close. McDonald’s in 24/7 pubs should be too, we should open drive through pubs. Pint of Carling and a pack of knobbys to go please love.

@laura_lou_44 Hi Laura I’m unemployed and have no kids but I won’t be staying up because Randy isn’t allowed late nights

Imagine staying up for the England game Sunday when you have work or even worse keeping your kid off school 🙄

I will not be drinking tomorrow. I’ll be enjoying piss and poo. Straight up farting through the whistles.

What happened on the 4th of July?

Paul Gascoigne has just arrived in Tehran with a fishing rod and a roast chicken. #MonitoringTheSituation

Situation monitored

i am monitoring this situation

im back

2 dudes hanging out: dude 1: hey man nice shirt dude 2: you telling me a shirt fried this shrimp!

There’s quite simply, no more bananas for monkeys

Grubs

*erases the 1 off the white board and draws a 0* Maybe one day I’ll make it more than 24 hours without a shitty arse

cats