Oké Ifufe

On this my 74th birthday, I celebrate the valiant men and women of our Armed Forces. Today, I have directed the Accountant-General of the Federation to establish a special account for a fund dedicated to those who serve, those wounded in the line of duty, and the families of those who have paid the ultimate price. As a personal commitment, all my salaries since assuming office will be paid into this account as seed funding, irrespective of existing insurance and welfare schemes for members of our armed forces. This fund will directly support those who have lost their limbs, and the widows, widowers, and children of those who laid down their lives in service to our dear country. I call on our Governors, members of the National Assembly, the private sector, my friends and all well-wishers to support this initiative. Details of the account will be made available in due course. We must never forget those who stand in harm’s way for our peace, nor the sacrifices borne by their families. This is not charity. It is duty. And we will fulfil it. Bola Ahmed Tinubu President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces Federal Republic of Nigeria

Ladies love a freak in the sheets. 😏

I’m now more intentional about not engaging blue tick accounts farming engagement because after they’ve seen someone get paid $22k, the fooling and rage bait will triple. Just ignore them.

There was a woman who sold rice and stew outside my office building on Broad Street. Every day for 4 years. Big pot. Blue plastic chairs. She knew everyone's order before they reached her table. Her name was Mama Chidi. Mine was the last plate before she packed up. 1:45pm. Every day without fail she'd see me coming and start dishing before I even sat down. Extra meat. Never charged me for it. I asked her once why. She said I looked like someone who skipped breakfast. She was right every time. 2019 she stopped showing up. No warning. Just gone. I asked around. Nobody knew anything. I switched to a restaurant down the road. More expensive. Smaller portions. Spent 4 years just quietly missing a plate of rice I never properly appreciated. Last month my colleague forwarded a Twitter post into our work group. A young guy. Maybe 25. Saying his mother used to sell food on Broad Street before she had a stroke in 2019 that took her left side. That she was recovering but kept asking about her regulars. That she cried one day saying she never got to say goodbye to any of them. I DM'd him immediately. He called me 10 minutes later. She was sitting right next to him. I heard her voice through the phone. Slower than I remembered. But she laughed when he told her who it was. She said she always saved my plate last because quiet people need someone looking out for them. I visited her in Mushin on Saturday. She can't stand long anymore. But she sat up straight in that chair and watched me eat everything she'd made. Didn't let me leave without packing food for the road. Some people just decide to take care of you. Before you even know you need it.

YOU GUYS WOULD BE SURPRISED AT HOW MANY PEOPLE JUST SIT IN THEIR HOUSE. THAT’S IT. THAT’S THEIR LIFE.

This Nigerian is going viral for the way he controlled heavy traffic in the UK. 😂 🎥: TT/ridewifme

In 2013, a 3-year-old boy fell down a 49ft well in Romania. Firefighters spent 11 hours trying to get him out but couldn’t. They said it was too narrow and he couldn’t be rescued. Then a 14-year-old seventh grader, who had just gotten home from school, volunteered to go down. They tied ropes around his waist, lowered him into the well, and he came back up with the little boy.

What in the twin telepathy is this? 😳 one identical twin brother sprained his ankle and the other twin felt the pain on the same leg and fell down. 🙆🏾‍♂️🙆🏾‍♂️🙆🏾‍♂️

“Any lady ready to marry him will be placed on life time salary and accommodation in an estate” ~Apostle Chinyere OPM

Thank you. ❤️

Many people might not believe this but... In 2023, I was packed into a police Danfo during a random raid in Jos, Plateau state. I was trekking for an all night session in school. They drove us to the station, seized our phones, and told everyone to sit on the bare floor behind the counter. The IPO in his faded uniform brought out rumpled sheets of paper and shouted ''Criminals remove your shoes make una write una statement for here'' I tried to look at the guys beside me who were sweating and writing things like "I am just walking and police catch me abeg I am a student." Another guy with a torn shirt was writing, "I swear to God I am not a cultist, I only went to buy indomie and egg, my mother is a widow." One particular guy was literally dropping tears on his paper, writing, "I don't smoke loud, I have CHM 101 test tomorrow morning, please have mercy in Jesus name." I knew my family did not have 50k for any emergency bail. So I sat on that cold floor, balanced the paper on my knee, and activated the ''Femi Falana'' in me (small HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MUDER was giving me confidence). I did not write a plea o. I wrote a chronological, legally terrifying timeline of my abduction. I used phrases like "unlawful detainment," "absence of probable cause," and "infringement of fundamental liberties." I made sure my handwriting was looking like a typed font🤲🏾 Thirty minutes later, the DPO walked in to inspect the night's harvest. He was biting the edge of a pure water sachet when he started reading the statements one by one, tossing them aside. Then he picked up my paper. He read the first paragraph, stopped, and looked at the crowd on the floor. He read it again. I was already preparing my mind for Cell One, the one with Mosquitoes that trained in Afghanistan. I was entirely convinced my grammar had angered him. The DPO looked at the IPO and said, "Who write this thing?" The IPO pointed at me. The DPO told me to stand up and follow him to his office. At that point, I wished I wrote my statement in Hausa😭 I entered the room, sweating like cold water. He sat down, dropped the paper on his desk, and said, "So, you sabi write English like this and you dey waka late night?" He opened his drawer and brought out a massive stack of dirty files. He complained that the station's secretary had been sick for three days and they had a massive backlog of official reports to send to the Area Commander. I did not enter the cell that night. I sat in a perfectly air-conditioned office from 11 PM to 4 AM, actively ghostwriting police reports, restructuring suspect confessions, and formatting legal petitions for the Nigerian Police Force. By 5 AM, the DPO gave me 15k cash for a job well done, bought me a plate of white rice, and ordered the patrol van to drive me safely to my hostel with full escorts. If you are currently smiling at this beautiful grass-to-grace story, I want you to know that you just read several heavy paragraphs of pure, undiluted fiction. I have never been arrested in my life. I am currently on my bed eating bread and egg. But like the original tweet said, proper articulation solves 75% of your problems. The remaining 25% is knowing how to lie fluently to farm engagement on this app. Happy Sunday.