Bronski

Fellas, if she says “im about to cum” she is NOT telling you change rhythm

People see me buying rounds of shots and bottles for all my friends and think I’m rich. Bitch I’m not rich I’m irresponsible.

The key to running a successful business is simply covering a wall in ivy and putting up a neon sign that says something like “bad bitch szn” and the female foot traffic will sustain you for generations

Me: *chugs beer* alright whose ready for some SHOTS Everyone at my niece’s pre-k graduation party:

I did not find the bottom of the mimosas but I DID find a shiny penny in the back of a squad car

I’m sorry the sex was bad, we are experiencing supply chain issues

I didn’t think it was possible, but my favorite restaurant just got even better

@CoachRoberts25 I don’t think you know what shrink means

@lilbronski I think that’s called shrink-flation

Due to inflation, I now have a 6 inch penis

“Who the hell would bring beer to work?!” - me acting surprised when my co-workers find a beer can in the break room trash can

Just got a Lowe’s credit card and it was declined at the club wtf

When my homie gets his heart broke and it falls on me to console him