lil jon lovitz(?)

bad news everyone: i'm still tweeting

spongebob would actually be called bob by people who know him well. just one of the many ways the series is very unrealistic imo

many people don't realize this, but [sound of a distant owl hooting on a midwinter's night]

entering my medieval serf era

[pop star's wikipedia entry] kaitlynne emerald suzanne parkhouse, known professionally as Súzee Cocaine,

don't i know it

hiding treats around my cage to keep myself amused and encourage natural feeding behaviors

with the best interest of my country in mind i will also not be running for president in 2024

[to a squirrel running across a power line] get down from there man u don't have to prove anything

this is what having a wizard in your contacts is like

@SunshineJarboly not really narrowing it down much there

my favorite led zeppelin song is the one where they sing about traveling into an ancient forest so they can assassinate a leprechaun using a hardcover copy of the collected works of aleister crowley

i do have to ask why you, a grown adult, would put me in a Situation

[immediately after begging for my life] no worries if not!

musk trying so hard to get me to stop using this site. joke's on you buddy. i don't really have anything else going on

@orchidcamp lofi hip hop radio - beats to gurgle/slosh to

{to the song ur showing me} oh, yeah..I could gargle to this shit...i could swish around some warm salt water to this

severely misguided to make likes private. everyone knows the biggest problem on this site by far has got to be the Posts

friend replying to my text: hey can you find a different way to say you finished a show besides watching it "to completion" me (typing bubble for 20 seconds): no

oh perfect, another Scenario. just great

[to the tune of "downtown" by petula clark] dune 2