alyssa 😬

It's hard to tell what will become of any of us, but I pray over the spanning arc of it all, that the grace of my pain leads me always toward more openness than outrage — more softness than sarcasm.

The invention of Nerds Gummy Clusters reminds me that good things are still happening in this treacherous world, and we don’t yet know all the beautiful things that are still to come.

Moving on Sunday to an itty bitty micro-studio that I’ve spent years praying for. Going to get up early Sun morn with a water pot, a mug, & tea, pick up my key, & sit on the floor in the silent emptiness and talk with God about all my gratitude, and all we’ll do together there.

The world is a terrible place, with new horrors revealed daily. But even so, after living with housing insecurity since I was 17, I finally just got approved for an itty bitty studio apartment. Moving in two weeks. It will be stable and safe and I’ll be able to afford to live 😭

Me waving goodbye to my therapist knowing she has to work on my progress notes now.

@LauraRbnsn I’m starting to wonder if those things were always just a ruse for power and control. Hmmm

In addition to the 2nd amendment crowd now deciding gun possession should result in immediate execution, the "men protect women" crowd is now clarifying that men who protect women should be shot immdiately.

When the mountain is out.

Absolutely *convinced* that the plan is to pump up fear, violence, and civil unrest in such an extreme way that when the next election is supposed to occur, we’ll be told it is too unsafe. Told that a fair election can’t take place, and so Trump will have to stay in office.

Idk man, I think I just want to go walk with those peace monks

The road from a “grab ‘em by the p***y” president to a “ f***ing b***h” ICE agent unloading his gun into a woman’s face was only ever about half an inch long. No one passed Go. There was no exit sign. It’s the same town, the same street, the same bloodied floorboards.

This is a signal to me that I’ve slipped into thoughtless or fear based consumption, which will result in no positive movement in or through me, only more anxiety. Anxiety will not make me reach out to the world to meet its need in love.

2. Don’t read more news than I can or will pray about. If I can’t/won’t say at least a one sentence, prayer (with actual words, not just emotions) about what I’m reading, then my focus is no longer on the humanity being impacted by whatever is going on in the world.

My 2 rules for consuming the news (which I only sometimes uphold and are only sometimes helpful): 1. Read more poetry than news. If I read an article or thread about a news thing, I also read at least one poem. Following numerous poetry pages helps make this more natural.

If your church allows for women deacons but not women pastors then they just like the unpaid work of women.

fall on your knees? hear the angel voices? these knees? i fell on them a week ago and they’re still sore, the skin still broken through. surely you don’t mean it is in this body that I’m supposed to worship? surely not this body to which a God has come.

All I want for Christmas is a “sort by unit price” option.

Are the kids skateboarding anymore? I feel like I do not see the kids skateboarding.

@emilykmay We’ve done a Longest Night service on the solstice for a few years. We’re not doing it this year (it is a LOT of work to add in another service on Christmas week). But I’m anxious to bring it back. So, so meaningful for all kinds of grief.

my church holds a "blue christmas" service every advent season, which I had never heard of, but it's a service specifically for folks experiencing grief during the christmas season. because there ain't nothing like the palpability of pain during the holiday season.

maybe you could come again all flesh and bones,  and i could reach your hem, or spill perfume, or be the one so irresistible  that you would weep for me. maybe i could be the one you touch to make me well.

and i know you’ll make it right someday,  but not today. this advent ending, finally. this advent so unasked for, which i did not want to love…  and yet i’ve set my home up here porchlight on, awaiting you, your incarnation.

Latest advent poem. Kind of a downer 😬 Living God i wonder if you could be incarnate here. i have flung myself over the toilet, vomiting the nausea pills, and no one is here. no one to bring a cool washcloth, ask if it’s alright, say that this will pass.