sammi d

there are two types of people in this world the glizzy gladiators and those who get gladiated by the glizzy

when i ingest a certain fungi i really have to focus on what people are saying to me because their eyes nose and mouth are doing the hotel hallway thing on their face which is a lot to take in

next time i fall for a coworker somebody just slap me to snap me out of it

Daily affirmations: I am chopped Time is running out Everything is my fault I will die alone I am an amc stubs a list member

one time i met a blue man and he said they all kiss each other in the makeup

make sure to beat a bigot today!

umami this, umami that, how about talking to YOU mommy again? she misses her child

taylor swift is the rupi kaur of the pop music world

whoever is praying on my downfall, can you please stop? i need a break

to all my haters: i swing both ways AND im stuck between a rock and a hard place. you wouldn’t last a day in these skinny jeans

don’t test me i will out toxic the nastiest person

she said it was too big and asked me to leave #struggle

yes officer, i know i was in the carpool lane and it looks like im alone, but dont you know that The Lord is always with me?

how do i tell my coworker that i am praying on the downfall of her relationship because i want to be her girlfriend?

@DontLookTop i feel this. always gotta keep working but can’t forget the worth we’ve built along the way

@macklesam Gotta hold myself accountable for letting it fall in the first place

just completed the ksuff™️ yearly performance review: pretty pathetic and embarrassing run from me. Not really my best work. You’d really hope to see more out of a guy like me. I have nothing to show for my efforts, I just look and feel exceptionally stupid. I’ll get em this year

when i put on my turn signal that isn’t me asking to come into your lane that’s me telling you gird your loins im on my way

there is nothing worse than a warm toilet seat

anytime i smell a stinky armpit it reminds me of my ex’s 3 finger box combo

stop going back to that cheater and come hang with a real eater