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Anytime a front facing video of a girl talking directly into the camera and doing that slapping thing with her hands comes across my feed I just treat it like a homeless person on the subway. Nope not engaging, moving on. Doesn’t matter what she’s ranting about, relationships/fashion/politics/gut health, nooooo can do. Nothing on me. Next.

Peeing with a condom on.

Do you like eating bland chicken or chicken that’s been marinating for a couple hours? Fellas, back me up!

This still happens to me, all the time! Because I take my cardiovascular health seriously.

Me at work all day: I need protein slop to hit my gains. I need to do bicep curls at the gym later and all the other beach muscles. I need to look like a Greek statue. Clavicular talks about this. Me when I get to the gym: Actually I think I’m in the mood to do some weird exercises that hit muscle groups that aren’t even visible to the naked eye. Exercises that might actually make my body look weird if taken to their extreme.

This is on my radar

@Innocent0119 No way I’d rather spend a Sunday, even if I have to do the majority of the rowing nowadays

@man_vs_box Hell yeah dude

Violently hungover yesterday but realized there’s gonna be a day when he asks me this for the last time and we won’t know so I sucked it up and pushed through

One Battle After Another (2025)

Thinking of all the young men who have to pretend to like this in order to get pussy today. We see you, we hear you, and hold tight. It’ll only be a couple more years and then you’ll be able to stop caring altogether.

Over the weekend I went to a small plates restaurant where I had to pay $115 for a bottle of “skin contact wine” (mediocre) and then my foid called the falafel dish “spiritually Israeli”. Then she passed out right when we got back in so I stayed up drinking and watching Angry Video Game Nerd videos from 2008 then cried before myself going to sleep.

(He likes to bust balls and calls our childhood home “the shore house” so that we’re more inclined to come visit

We’re The Millers currently playing on cable. Emma Roberts in this here one, prehistoric faps, good times.

I’m not boxing anyone wearing a Steven Adams Thunder jersey. Nuh uh. Bad idea from the jump.

It’s always #MilfWatch at the gym on Saturday mornings

At my desk all week in my head like damn everyone here can tell I’m doing nothing and they see me scrolling for 6 hours a day shit shit shit I hope I don’t get fired one of these days. All for my boss to ping me before they log off for the week like “hey just wanted to say great job this week, the team really appreciates all the hard work, keep it up!” Only in the 4HL

Someone at the office keeps using my seed oil free salad dressing in the communal fridge without asking. I suspect it’s the two blond foids from Client Relations, who also so happen to be the only fuckable ones on this entire floor. Lathering themselves up in it for a bout of wrestling in the breakroom after everyone else leaves for the day, I’d reckon.

Same guy became obsessed with playing Guitar Hero when we were growing up and became absolutely filthy at it ripping Through The Fire and Flames on expert only for him never to actually try to pick up an actual real six-string guitar. Content with just knowing the video game version…

A couple weeks ago I found myself at a typical normie hangout during a little family get together where you just meet up with aunts uncles cousins you haven’t seen in sometime. All the age peer cousins congregated around a fire and, I forget how it came up, but the group started talking Harry Potter trivia and my one cousin was ripping off every single answer and adding context (whatever you’re thinking “Harry Potter trivia” entails, go like 4 layers deeper). And it dawned on me, why is this guy, who is able to encyclopedially memorize facts about YA fiction, wasting his impressive brain power on this meaningless shit? Like 150 years ago this dude would be memorizing every species of bird and noting down their migration patterns and adding to our knowledge of natural science. But nope, now it’s just Ron Weasley’s dad’s friend named Thurmgood gave him a magic rat for his 7th birthday

Stopping to listen intently at every perceptible sound because I’m reading a scary book before bed