chickenmarsala

“Maybe something happened. Maybe I’ll be driving to the softball game, and I’m sad. Cause something bad happened. I’m gonna keep that moment kinda private. If I need to talk through it, I’ll call someone. So when it’s time to step out of the car—I’m happy. I like to keep that image. This guy Jay, he’s always happy. If you talk to Jay, he’ll brighten up your day. Sometimes it drives the guys at work crazy. I work in Sanitation. Our shift starts at 5 AM. These guys are coming in from all over: they’re tired, they’re dragging. But I’m whistling. I’ve got my Dunkin Donuts coffee. I’m saying: good morning, bro. What’s up? We’re about to make some money. Good, honest day’s work. Every time you get to the end of the block, you look back. You see the whole block is nice and clean, the sidewalk’s nice and clean. So I’m smiling. The guys call me Smiley. Billy started that. He said I’m the only one who comes to work smiling. But I’m like: how can you not be happy? Maybe it’s just the way the dominos have fallen for me. I have great friends, a great career, a great family. My brother is like my best buddy. Been dating a girl for three years. She teaches dance to little kids. We go out dancing together, salsa dancing. Yo, she’s great man. It’s like, how could I ever have a bad day? Been that way since I was a kid. Nobody could put me down. In the morning I’d be like: Another day of school? Let’s do it! And listen, when I got home, if Grandma made the skirt steak. With the rice and beans, and the plantains. She’d be like: yo, Jay. Tonight I made your favorite. And bro, I would get hyped.”

Or any drug. Happy 4/20

truly sad the way adulthood kills all your hobbies. i’m lucky if i read 5 books a year. too tired to play guitar. too tired to cook beautiful meals. we warn people not to make work their identity, but how can you not when work systematically strips away every other part of you?

not yall apparently

Im dead because this is me

This man in Texas holding up a sign is going viral and I hope the local news finds him and gives him the airtime he deserves

Viola Davis has officially achieved EGOT status.

How do I sign my parents up for this tutorial?

listen up, dipshits: Democrats aren't trying to take away your gas stove. but Republicans ARE trying to take away your Social Security and Medicare, and they have you so fucking gaslighted that you don't know which end is up. turn off Fox News and pay some fucking attention

there is no hate like christian love

I'm confident that our student debt relief plan is legal. But it’s on hold because Republican officials want to block it. That's why @SecCardona is extending the payment pause to no later than June 30, 2023, giving the Supreme Court time to hear the case in its current term.

Tariq aka “Corn Kid” and Green Giant is the most wholesome partnership greengiant.com/cornkid/

Remember when this went quadruple platinum on Twitter

NPR said “oh y’all want a headline???”

My value add: saying “thanks guys” at the end of a call after not speaking the entire meeting

"free for a quick 15 min call?"

can’t believe my stupid ass has imposter syndrome while elon musk is confidently marching around twitter HQ and chewing on wires until something breaks

When someone asks for my opinion during a zoom meeting and I’ve been online shopping

PLEASE