Mark Helfgott

@Will_iam_001 B

🚨Public opinion poll: In your view, should ABC make the decision to remove Jimmy Kimmel from his current role/show, or allow him to continue. Please share your choice. A. Yes, he should be removed B. No, he should continue Vote now and make your voice heard!

@0IvankaTrumpRV2 E

Simple poll. Please be honest! As of today, how much do you still trust this family? Α. 100%. B. 75% C. 50% D. 25% Ε. 0%

@howardfoxjokes Funny

I was watching the Kentucky Derby earlier. I haven’t seen that many hats since an Hasidic wedding. #kentuckyderby2026

@Trumpspoof__ No.

Simple YES or NO poll . Donald Trump is the biggest criminal in history ?? A. Yes B. No

@TheDroyd Funny.

Of all days to address our nation about something that seems extremely serious, Trump chose April Fools Day.

@howardfoxjokes Yes.

Am I allowed to use their comma if I didn’t attend Oxford?

@TheDroyd Funny.

I see Marilyn Monroe as a person and I know that sounds like I’m trying to sound cool but as I watch this documentary about her, I find myself annoyed by the way men talk about her lustfully. I feel like we would/could have been friends

@rickygervais Yep.

Now that's what you call a Manosphere.

@mariana057 Horrible.

@NancySinatra OMG!! I just googled it and it seems to be confirmed

Oh my God, no. Please say it isn't so.

@NancySinatra Horrible.

@lydiakauppi @MeghanMcCain Great job.

This is the Appalachian church leader who offered immediately to help the woman on TikTok that was calling churches asking for baby formula. Heritage Hope Church of God has since received over $75,000 to their food pantry. The congregation says he’s been crying all week 😭

@jimmyfallon So sad for you.

She was the last name we signed on every birthday card. She was our first baby, a therapist, a pillow, a big sister, a schoolmarm, a comedian, a party girl and a rebel. Definitely not a watchdog—she would have let burglars in and shown them where we kept the bacon and American cheese slices. Always smiling even when she slept. She loved a good scratch and would lean into you if she liked you, though "if" is generous—she did this for basically everyone. She would jump into the pool immediately after being shampooed and dried (noooooo!) then she'd do her laps (backstroke - jk doggie paddle) then lie in the grass on her back doing bunny kicks with her tongue sticking out. That meant summer to me. 13 and a half years we were lucky to have with you. Franny, Winnie, Mommy and I miss you. The house misses you. The house is so quiet. The quiet is so loud. But that quiet is slowly being filled with stories about you and laughter amongst the sniffles. Thank you for everything. Gosh, we miss you so much. Goodnight, Gary.

@howardfoxjokes Funny.

A New Jersey woman has been banned from all Walmarts for life after security cameras caught her entering the store wearing a dress, high heels and makeup.

Half of America 🇺🇸 is under a heat advisory. At my age I haven’t been in heat for years.

At 75 I’ve become a real smooth operator because I lost all my body hair.

Never fall in love with a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

We all die. And some of us are dead 💀 while living.

Tom Homan vows to flood NYC with ICE agents. Bad for illegals. Great for mask salesmen.

When you’re 16 you think about what sex will be like. When you’re 75 you think about what sex used to be like.

People keep telling me that things eventually work themselves out. That’s good news since I’m constipated.