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You see, I don't ever go to bed before dawn and it's been like that for a year now. I spend all night sitting at the table in my armchair, not doing anything. I only read books during the day. I sit there like that without even thinking, and some sort of ideas wander about and I set them free. The candle burns down completely during the night. I carefully sat down by the table, took out the revolver and placed it in front of me. When I had put it down, I remember that I asked myself 'Is this really it?' And I answered myself quite positively: 'Yes.' That is, I would shoot myself. I knew that I would shoot myself that very night for certain, but how much longer I would sit at the table - that I didn't know. And of course I would have shot myself had it not been for that little girl.
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