matt

yo @Senators I love my girlfriend, I’m coming off a beer league shutout (haven’t been scored on since last year), and I have an uncle in Ottawa already so I have a place to crash. lemme know

men used to go to war, now they’re asking to hit girls vape at the bar

Here you go, freaks. You’re welcome

Cashier asked if I needed a cart to haul one of those big 5 gallon water jugs to my truck. Time to blast 100000 mg of tren

can’t believe I’m turning 23 tomorrow ahaha crazy

Bro should NOT have said this.

what is your max bench

how tf are you supposed to stay hard for 75 days

Gf is gone for the weekend, throwing a party, dudes only. Any girls show up, I’m shooting you in the head

@givewomenswords I went full Saskatchewan baby

📍 buttfuck, SK

We asked all of the interns what their goals for the summer were. Most of them said “to get an offer”. My intern said “to bench 315”. His future is so bright

So fun fact I watched one day (Anne Hathaway version) with my ex when I was 18 and in a very rocky place emotionally and when the ending happened I scream sobbed and couldn’t be consoled for so long that he called his mom to ask what to do

“yeah so after j.cole released his diss he apologized and took it down. now everyone thinks he a pussy and j.cole fans are butthurt”

If I show my Uber driver this selfie, do you think I’ll get 5 stars?

to all my followers, have a good day and to all my followers who appear as fake onlyfans bot/scam accounts, keep doing gods work

when the 55 year old guy on your beer league team says he’s just here to have fun

happy new year to those who celebrate

@galathotius uncanny valley

I was always special

grwm to take my girlfriends prescription migraine medication without asking her