Matt Lund

- daddy said that foxes have big willies. - what? no i didn’t. what i actually said was that lawrence fox appears to be a massive f**king dick....

I hope you’re sitting down, because this week’s column should make you very, very angry. It shows how professional clinicians employed by the NHS in crucial test and trace jobs have been secretly replaced by teenaged call centre workers employed by Serco theguardian.com/commentisfree/…

As an NHS employee I'd just like to take a moment to respond with all the compassion I can muster at this point in the evening: Go fuck yourself. (please note: this is a personal response and probably does not represent the views of some of my employers)

i have wandered for 40 days and 40 nights. i have climbed mountains and crossed deserts. i have toiled with fear and wrestled with my inner demons... and i’m still only halfway to my nearest f**king covid testing centre...

- when this is all over i can’t wait to get away⏤ - yeah, we’ve definitely earned a holiday. - i meant from you...

Having staff working from home brings a whole set of new subbing problems. Surprised that Waitrose let this slip through. Not my picture BTW. I long for the days of being able to stroll through Waitrose

@StevenShorrock @Worldgirl1 @bbc5live Underrated tweet 👏

@Worldgirl1 @bbc5live The UK chose a fine time to leave the EU, Lucille.

Someone has just phoned @bbc5live saying there will be a conference tomorrow with 2000 people. She has a 94 year old mother. Why are there even conferences with 2000 attendees at the moment?

@NELFTSI @carolynccet @Mog_ADON @smiles4_me @NELFT A frog and then some really annoying trailing wires underneath the TV! Those need tying together

Off to a fantastic start #empathy #perceptions What do you see in the picture below? Would really love to hear your response @carolynccet @Mog_ADON @smiles4_me @NELFT

Excellent advice for nurses from @vizcomic Altogether now, one, two...

50 mins to go one mile this morning. London traffic at its worst 😔Still, better than being stuck in HMP Belmarsh like Julian Assange

Yep. Seems about right. London and the South East good, the infrastructure in Yorkshire is appalling. bbc.com/news/business-…

@Catgirl1205 Just being the perfect gent and letting you win, like a good husband does 🚙 🚙 🚙 🚥 🚥 🚥 i🕵️

Travelling into work with @mattlund13 Traffic slow. Game of I-Spy. Naturally I won ⭐️ Should’ve chosen better than #car babe #living #laughter #love #winner

@markfrankel29 Did you feel motivated Mark? If I received that at work, I'd be searching for a new job

We all received ‘motivational messages’ when we walked into work today. Clearly going to be a #productiveday ..

Yesterday's London travel curiosities - an old lady on the train to Cannon Street was shaving her armpits and on the bus home, a man was eating a tin of tuna using just his fingers #normalday

Great to catch-up for a few drinks with the SoMe legend @KGrieve13 Good luck in your new job 👍 Since we first met, you've constantly impressed me with your passion and commitment. You care and that shines through 🌟