Matt Schubert

welcome back, I love you

it’s beautiful 🥲

@claw1400 “We got the motherfucker” is my personal favorite.

@mattschubert The snow removal king

The city is absolutely going to go crazy with snow removal for this storm since this snow is way easier to move than the January storm (that left the city in shambles for nearly two weeks!!) so Cherelle can get in front of a microphone and say how good of a job she did.

For Johnny ❤️

can’t skate so I’m watching old Rodney Mullen tapes and this dude was just unreal

the buzz and woody hug made me cry instantly lol

@fikeshit the heart smells like piss

@mattschubert still mad about showing up to the franklin institute train and it being closed years ago

anyone someone tell me

@fikeshit 30 is the new 10

best part of being 28 is mumbling “pushing 30 btw” to myself after doing things

@fikeshit “do you want water?” “get… my… Diet Coke”

saw these every day at my old my job and this sent a shudder through my body

@fikeshit you on your last day there

@mattschubert haven’t seen a box of cereal since my last day there

@fikeshit i wasn’t, but it does seem like my brand of humor (unfunny)

@mattschubert no but now it is cause this reply means you were thinking about it

if i get one single “you get to celebrate half the month” joke this month im blowing your shit smoove off

@fikeshit is it?????

The world (and the city of Philadelphia) is a far worse place without @dhm in it. Not just a brilliant writer, but someone that embodied all of the little unique things that make me proud to be from here. Truly devastating. Rest easy.

This will be our 144th season and we've won two titles. Two of our stadiums burned down and one gave everyone brain cancer. We are the losingest team in the history of professional sports (11,392 Ls). A manager once fought our mascot. We often suck but we always believe, go Phils

I hate pro wrestling. Nearly 5 AM in the morning and I'm tearing up because a man who wore jorts for 90% of his adult life retired from fake fighting

.@phillies