maybe: a parody

im telling my kids this was elon musk

she’s gonna be hit hard by the tariffs

Absolutely no one is driving shareholder value today

Staring at the eclipse? No thanks, I’ll be staring at excel and creating shareholder value.

my washing machine just like me fr….says it’ll be ready in 1 minute for 20 minutes

when a celeb says they’ve never gotten botox or filler im like u r lying and i believe nothing u have ever said

There will be no explanation 🖤

i absolutely love dog sitting like ur paying me to spend all day with ur angel baby who just wants to snuggle and do zoomies and go on walks with me???? say less

hey @RAINBOWFlSH I’ve been wondering when u have been and saw u at ACL????

can i take feedback? buddy when i was 9 years old my dance teacher yelled at me and told me i looked like a chicken wing. still don’t know what that means but i took it in stride. hope my teacher’s doing well.

This is Piglet. She was rescued in 2019 at approximately 13 years old. Has had precisely zero bad hair days ever since. 14/10 #SeniorPupSaturday

spongebobs landlord when he missed his rent:

@netflix Shelby couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome