Matt Bateman

We Shall Poast Good Tweets Here Viral, If We Can Obscure, If We Must But Always Good Tweets

@babieswithb Bus is a shortening of omnibus which is dative plural so there are no good Latin options here

in my head I keep wanting to write "bi" instead of buses

imagine taking a double-decker-bus-obsessed toddler to london and taking him on a double-decker bus and he spends the entire 30min of the trip screaming "DOUBLE DECKER BUS" with glee every time he sees another double decker bus through the window (every 30 seconds)

@mattyglesias In many school districts, "everyone knows" the schools won't offer an adequate math education so wealthy parents put their kids in either RSM or AOPS outside school

@callanalt “Really excited about the position. $N more would make it an easy yes. Can we solve for this?”

You know you’ve been reading/recounting too much 1776 to your American children when they are confused and alarmed about going to London

3yo on Paris metro It may not seem like it but this is what peak happiness looks like

@variedints We told her that it was ok for her to think that but many people come to think otherwise as they get older. Something like that. Paraphrasing, memory vague

@mbateman Did you tell him that adults love it?

*bus passes through red light district* 6yo: What’s a sex shop? me: A place where some grownups buy things to make sex more fun for them 6yo: *extremely matter of factly* But sex is disgusting

@Auspatriot33 What would you have said?

@mbateman WTF? It wouldn’t kill you to make up a white lie for 6 yr old!!

@climatepaige I’m on your side, just worry about such treatments

@mbateman I am treating it with kerosene

Do I have an ideological issue with oat milk? No. While I find it disgusting, I recognize that it’s totally okay thing for other people to order. However, lately, I’ve been finding that some coffee shops will put it in my drink, even if I explicitly say “whole milk.” I’ll go back and ask them to remake it, and they’ll apologize and say they misheard me, which I understand, as my voice is a little soft. So I’ve started to loudly say “WHOLE MILK” to baristas, even spelling it out so there is no mistake. That’s solved the problem! The above story is real / not a metaphor and is pretty emblematic of my experience with polyamorous people. The only way they will stop trying to date you is if you loudly and explicitly say M-O-N-O-G-A-M-y, and that only works part of the time! I should not ever go on a date with someone and hear that they are polyamorous! And yet it happens! So what should my strategy be?

more Paris 😍 I can't believe how lucky we've been with the weather!

I can't believe I'm now entering the third trimester!

@virgil_30 She got to the top of the eiffel tower today and immediately got excited that she found a trash can

@mbateman You're just jealous she saw a pigeon, if you'd seen one you'd probably be locked in and focusing on that too

@climatepaige I’m sympathetic with what I understand to be your situation(s) and the thrust of your response(s), but after a certain quantity of years and tweets and energy committed in this manner, it seems pretty clear that you’d benefit from a different sort of strategy on this front

@mbateman They are constantly explaining things to me and I am saying that they disgust me

@climatepaige Who is in which role

@mbateman This is what 99% of my conversations with polyamorous people are like

@micmat02 She’s asked like 5 times and we’ve explained it every time. Prior to this my impression was that she had instantly forgotten everything we said

@mbateman Dis your 6yo asked about sex or did tou purposefully introduce the topic?

@visakanv Ya How I felt going to grad school basically “oh now I’m average”

@mbateman I know! and still! haha

i have a ~140wpm typing speed, which often impresses people who aren't very online. like, all my life i was basically the fastest typer in any room i was in. once i posted a link to a typing speed game on here and like 5 people beat my ass immediately